The One & Only Mrs. Ginobili

New Things

2012-01-21T22:39:00.002-06:00

Life has been pretty fair to me lately however i hear life isnt fair so i know it can only go on for so long. Christmas was as enjoyable as i think it could be. Not having Honey here is definetly and adjustment. Someone who is just such a big part of all our lives is hard to be without. We notice her absence in everything we do but we try to continue as she would want us too. Not a day goes by that i dont miss her but i try the best i can. I know she did not leave us alone.

As she would say life goes on, and so it has, my 22yo cousin is planning her wedding, and quite soon after her engagement if you ask me. But to each their own, she is her own woman I more feel for my uncle who has to pay for the wedding which i know a. he cant afford & b. he is doing on his own but thats a whole nother blog.

My 14yo cousin has begun preperations on her Quinceanera which is sure to be great but another family who was not prepared for what was to come. Of course we are all helping as she is my godsister and i will do anything to make her special day happen but sometimes i have to wonder what people are thinking! How can you not be saving for your child my parents did and they did w/o a lot so we could have. But again to each his own.

My sister met "the one" on 11/10/11 it is now 01/21/12 and they have been looking for houses as well as she has a promise ring. Now she is 29 so i guess there is a time limit somewhere, perhaps and hourglass running low on sand. At least i assume thats the rush...yea ill leave that one there.

E & Me, we are doing great...we are enjoying life and each other and trying this new thing called "saving" its a little hard and we have had to vary from the lifestyle we are used to a bit but we are on our way to our goal so its paying off. :) We def have our eye on the prize so we are doing what it nescessary. Pray for us we are just waiting for some good news.

For Christmas we got iPhones :) and today we bought a (too expensive) new desktop :) but we are determined to at least jazz up the inside of the house since we will be spending a lot more time inside lol. But its all going to be paid off so we arent getting in too deep. HOpefully this means more blogging from me..perhaps a vlog now that i have this webcam thingy.

Im on my way to be debt free not like i had much but ill be glad when none of it is hanging over me. Im looking forward to just paying my monthly utlities its been my goal since september and im getting there slowly but surely. Of course the holidays were a set back but i havent quit.

My New Years Resolution, which i never usually make but its the reason i want to get debt free and a few upgrades...i want to go back to school if i can take just 1 class this year i will be satisfied i know i can do it but it just seems there is always something in the way something slowing me down so im determined to get back on track and at least put my foot in the door.

i guess this was just my mindless ramblings and updates. I have better content for my next blog but i havent decided if im brave enough to post that for the world. Maybe a night i have a few beers before i blog lol.

The Holidays without Honey

2011-12-14T18:23:00.002-06:00

As a holidays approach it's hard not to think of her I know the whole family misses her. Some days my mom is crying and it just breaks my heart. I want to just break down crying and talk to her but it's hard and I can't let myself because I have to be strong for the rest. It's so hard to hold back tears as I see my mom cry that's always the hardest thing to see your parents cry. It's odd how now that I've gotten older the roles seem to be reversing and I have to be the one that's strong for them like they used to do when I was little for me.

The holidays were her favorite time of year the decorating her Christmas village her nativity scene... everything reminds me of her and so many days I just want to call her and tell her about things that were doing. My family didn't want to decorate but I made an effort go over there and at least put up a tree. there's things that we must continue to do. we have to keep going even though it's hard every day. I just wish my sister would be more helpful I wish she could be as understanding as I am I wish she were the older sister and I didn't have to take on that role too.
Honestly I wish most of the family would take more pro active role it seems nobody's really trying. If i don't do it nobody does and I only do it for my mom it's funny because she used to only do it for her mom.

I guess I'll keep trying that's all I can do at least until I have kids of my own and then we'll see what happens from there. I pray my family stays together but I know it won't, there's a select few who make no effort. Those were the ones saying all the junk acting like they were there the entire time those were thru ones who always say that they're going to be there but never are.

I'll keep trying and I'll keep doing it for honey as I know that's what you would've wanted but there's only so much I can do. Its gotten to the point where my only concern is my immediate Family of course there are my cousins and those that are there for me I will always be by there side the matter what.

Family is a weird thing it's funny how one person can hold so much together but once that glue was gone everything just dissolves. Sorry for such a morbid post around holidays I guess things are just weighing on my mind I hope you will have a Merry Christmas and a very safe and happy new year!

Until next time and I'm sure that time the post be a lot better

I Need My Snuggie

2011-02-07T11:26:00.002-06:00

Never have i felt this before. I want to stop feeling this and sleep. One day at a time for now, that will be my mantra. But now more than ever i wish i could just run away. I'm good at that, leaving things behind. for now I'm tired i just want to sleep. just sleep it all away. it feels good to sleep mainly cause you don't feel anything. I'm so tired.

formspring.me

2010-12-21T15:32:00.001-06:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MrsGinobili

Long Over Due

2010-11-18T10:39:00.003-06:00

So this blog is long overdue I'm trying to avoid doing my work today so i thought i would touch up on some updates very brief but still.

So I asked the horrible roommate to move out. And she will be gone by the beginning of the year! I am thrilled about this, no longer cleaning up after her and no longer having 10 lights on during the day when she isn't home and no more have to move her car all the time. I cant wait for her to be gone and clean and have the place like i want it! really looking forward to this!

E & I are doing very well, we have had our little spats from time to time but nothing worth writing home about. We are so very happy & in love and i really could not ask for things to be any better. He is my other half in every sense of the saying. Without him i am not whole and i am so loving how things are and more importantly where they are. i would be happy being this happy for the rest of our lives.

Probation is less than 2 weeks from being over. I go to court December 1st to finish all this drama and get the paperwork signed! I cannot wait! I really am overjoyed about this! But trust me i have learned my lesson and i have struggled and i have gone without and had to say no to things and people and it has been hard but I'm ready for this speed bump in my life to be over which could not have even been possible had it not been for my amazing parents and their infinite support and for E.

My family is doing well also. My parents are enjoying their second marriage, my sister and i are trying to mend our broke relationship, my grandma is off of medicines for now. Although it breaks my heart sometimes as i see her week or talk of her plans when her life ends i know she is at peace with things and that makes me happy. She will be fine and in the mean time I'm glad she is off her medicines to enjoy her time. They really take a toll on her.

Our future is looking promising and I'm excited. With the roommate leaving we are going to do some rearranging and organizing of the house to make it our own. I really cannot wait for all this to begin. Its like all coming together at the same time. E's new job, my new position, roommate leaving, probation ending wonderful things all coming to us.

So my next step which i am a little excited and a bit nervous about is def school. I want to enroll in the summer if not fall for sure. I think fall would be better to give me sometime to save some money. But i am ready to go back and finish with my associates and possibly put that to rest. I just have this need to finish it. Then from there we shall see.

Although i don't want to jump ahead of myself i do see perhaps a baby in the horizon, the far horizon, like still 3-5yrs away but not with so much changing in my life right now i see it as a possibility and that makes me happy.

And lastly i cannot forget my Spurs, off to a 9-1 start of the season, doing amazingly well! I could not be prouder. Something about the Spurs is when they are doing well it makes me so much happier and so much positive almost like they reflect my life/feelings. Its awesome when they are doing awesome.

So i will leave you now, wishing you a very happy holidays and we shall speak again soon, very soon i hope. Next time i wont stay away too long.

Friends?...Ha!

2010-08-25T09:18:00.003-05:00

So today i am upset for numerous reasons, but today i choose to talk about supposed friends. Now 1st let me state that this blog is not referring to anyone of my online friends. First of all the relationship i have with my online friends is even better than the one i have with my "real life" friends. And also you expect certain things from the ppl you see often as opposed to those you have met online. There is a difference, and yet i feel my online friends are better than the real ones.

Ive been fundraising for Team Honey, a team of the Race for the Cure on October 2nd here in Houston, we are racing in honor of my grandma who at 72 is still fighting Breast Cancer and doing quite well i might add. Everyone who knows me personally knows that she means the world to me, and to my family, I've asked ppl to donate $1, i mean i figure we have lots of family, she has 13 brothers and sisters, who all have kids and kids and kids. So you would think $1 a piece we should easily reach our $500 goal.

Well these ppl for years that i have called friends, who i have helped out who we've talked about anything and everything have not donated to my fundraiser. I was so sad and bummed at first then i just got mad. 1 "friend" who isn't working and going to school, her mom pretty much takes care of her and she is living off of loans i assume, she is also the infamous and horrible roommate. We use to be so close and great friends and now we aren't i suppose. I don't get how she goes out and parties and does all this and she isn't even working and yet she cant donate to me. It makes me mad how selfish ppl can be, have have known each other and been friends since 8th grade! like wtf. the other just graduated with her masters and is working now and nothing. we don't even talk anymore. I've at least gotten some promises of donations from others and i understand we are in financial struggles i should know more than most, (shoot i had a half gallon of milk go bad and i cant afford to replace it) but i try to help especially if i know this is something important to one of my friends. so for now I'm just mad. I'm furious really. ppl from online have donated to me, and more than i have requested. ppl i have never met in person can realize something is important to me and can help. yet ppl who i have spent my life with cant understand this. they haven't even been a good enough person to say "hey i really cant donate right now but ill try to before the deadline" or "i know your raising money so i am going to try to get some donations for you since i cant help" no they can even live with you and walk by you like nothing ever happened.

so I'm mad, i don't think i need ppl like this in my life. its not too much to ask i think for $1 from "friends" from ppl who are suppose to care about you, god i hope i never need blood or a kidney, id sooner have it mailed from a twitter friend than from someone I've known for years.

(im not even bothering to proofread or edit this i just needed to get this off my chest)

Tired of My Job

2010-08-17T12:59:00.002-05:00

This is the longest job I have ever had in my life. I've only been places slightly over a year. That was the longest most didn't make a year. I get bored so easily (which is a huge reason i haven't finished school, cant pick a major or at least i can pick em but i cant stick to them).

I'm just ready for a change. For me sitting behind the desk doing data entry having nothing to stare at besides Farmville/Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr. It drives me insane. I feel myself getting more bored as the time passes. I don't even have enough work to keep myself busy that's another bad part.

I want to transfer to the hospital and have patient interaction or at least somewhere where there is more going on. Shoot even a receptionist answering phones will make time go by faster. I just need a change.

I really want to stay with MDA i like the hospital and the bonuses and benefits work for me. i like where I'm located that another plus but i just need a change. I don't understand how some people do this for years or their whole life. Just needed to vent some.

E says we will find a new job and things will be better, and i believe him I'm counting down the days until i can apply for a new position. I'm officially eligible September 16th. Wish me luck. I need to move!

I Surprise Myself

2010-08-03T15:44:00.004-05:00

Sometimes before you are actually in a situation you say i would never put up with that. Or if this happened i would definitely do that. I see it happen a lot especially with infidelity. Friends would say I'm not going to put up with that and then down the road they say well its different cause we are married or have a kid etc.

I'm the same. I said i wouldn't put up with certain things. And i know i still wont but something has arose. Something that i never said never to but at the same time i didn't think i would be able to stick around through. And when i found out my own reaction shocked the shit outta me. lol. I'm glad tho it meant a few things about us. 1st it meant i truly trust him. 2nd it meant our relationship is strong.

Together we will find a way through our little obstacle. I guess I'm growing. Hey who knew that could happen. lol. But I'm happy for it. I'm dealing with things a lot better than i would have thought. And its not that serious but i guess it could be if you let it become. We will be alright. After all we have each other.

I guess its true, Never say "Never". Cause well you never know. :)

UPDATE:

THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS WAS THAT I WAS RIGHT. I STUCK THROUGH IT WE GOT PAST IT AND IT ALL TURNED OUT TO BE A HUGE MISTAKE. THERE WAS NEVER ANY NEED TO WORRY. :)

4th of July

2010-07-01T14:20:00.003-05:00

I remember how we spent last 4th of July. It was lovely just me and him. And i find that our plans for this 4th of July are the same! lol.

Friday after work im going to do the chores and laundry etc while he is working since he is on nights. I don't want us to worry about silly things during this weekend and i also dont want to worry about having no underwear on Monday! lol.

Things have been solid for a while. In all aspects of my life. Work is boring but decent. E and I are happy and doing way better after our spat a few weeks ago. Probation is winding down I'm on mail in status which means i only have to go in every 3rd month, and i only have 5 left. I get my interlock removed from my car in a few weeks. Money is finally in a decent place, I'm no big spender but I'm okay. I'm happy, well of course I am worried about Hurricane season approaching, as Alex has already had some impact but still I'm peaceful.

Saturday we are going to a pub that has the best Philly cheese-steak and Jalapeno Poppers I have had and Sunday E bbqs for me I want hot dogs after all it's Independence Day that's the most fitting thing to have on the menu and frito pies. And the day will be spent watching NetFlix. I'm looking forward to it!

Security

2010-06-08T09:43:00.003-05:00

E and I have always been a mostly happy couple. A year in and of course we have had a few fights. Some lasting longer than others. And some worse than others. But after all of them we have managed to talk thru them and come to an understanding or solution or just overall things are ok. Better than before usually. We have or should i say had this very strong foundation and beautiful relationship. Friday my world was rocked and i lost that security i had with him.

Dont get me wrong we talked thru it, i said what i needed to say and he did to and we are happy together and in love but i feel a slight piece is missing. I feel that something is off. Something does not quite feel as complete as it once was. I dont know what it is. Or maybe i do but i dont want to admit it to myself.

See i told him that i knew i wanted to spend my life with him, of course you cant say forever and no matter what cause things happen, people change & life doesnt pan out the way we had hoped. But right now and in the forseeable future i want to be with him. He cant tell me the same, he loves me i know that he wants to be with me but i dont think he can actually give me the security that i want. That i thought we had. Im ok, somehow, its hard to know that but i know that its going to be ok for now.

I guess in the end i think this relationship is great in every single way, but now im at the point where i dont expect anything from it. I dont expect a family anymore, i dont expect a home, and i dont expect the future i had once planned. I know he would be so upset if he read this. We always talk about traveling & moving to different cities together. We talk about kids and getting a place together. We talk about kids all the time actually but i dont see it anymore. I feel like that future was robbed from me, but i guess i should have known better.

I dont know if this is something i ever want to tell him, partially cause i hope its not true and partially cause i dont know if i can take admitting that to him out loud. right now, even tho i feel like my life has changed im far too selfish to give him up. I want to be with him, i love him, he loves me and im so happy with him. It's just now i a piece is missing from our puzzle.

He always says that you dont know how life will go. So i guess i shouldnt lose all hope for a real future with him but i have lost some, and at this point at 24 years old and the mess that i am living here in Houston i guess thats not too much. Could be worse. Ill just take it a day at a time and hope that slowly and eventually i will get that security in our relationship i once had back. I dont like this feeling i have now.

Great Night

2010-05-24T09:45:00.002-05:00

So on Saturday, my loving boyfriend took me out. We did what we did a year ago and it was fabulous. I had such a good time we just talked and laughed and drank. And i realized that wow, i have literally documented the last year of my life on twitter.

I remember meeting him and tweeting that whole night. I had had such a great time. It was crazy to me. Cause i realized how big a part twitter (well my twitter family) is to me. The people i have met on there are amazing and can always say something funny when you need it, offer great advice or just to wish you a good day.

I think ive become super dependent on my twitter friends. Like i find myself needing them. I dont think a day goes by that i dont tweet. But i also think its a healthy thing. To have ppl who arent directly in your life to be able to talk to. To confide in people that may not know everything about you but who are still a big part of your life. Its interesting the internet friends i have made. And its great. I love them.

Also i love E, spending the evening with him the way we did was perfect, i could not have asked for a better night. I also got 2 free beers, one from our bartender who always buys us one now like we are bffs lol and then another from our other bartender who gave it to me cause a guy ordered it then decided he wanted draft lol. So i was super happy. We then went to West Grey Cafe and had a gyro, and OMG it was delicious perfectly cooked.

Being the old couple that we have become we were home and in bed by 1am but it was great spent the best night i could have asked for. And im so excited to have him move in, i even made room in the closest and cleared him some drawers, eventually we are going to get 2 tall dressers but for now we are sharing. Im excited! :)

1 Year

2010-05-19T09:21:00.002-05:00

Wow it seems like we just met. Like he just pulled up that chair next me. Yet here we are a year later. I'm excited as we have been doing really well and we just made a big step together. Actually we just discussed it about an hour ago.

We have decided to move in together, well he is going to move in with me & my roommate. I'm a little nervous but i love having him there all the time, and i also feel like him moving in with me is a safer step than us going out and signing a lease somewhere. We always talk about "later" getting a house together and all that and hopefully that is in our near future but for now id like to do this for a year or so. Get our feet wet.

I knew a long time ago i wanted him to move in with me but i wasn't sure when, or if he was even ready to live with someone. I knew i wasn't before but this always felt so right. Me & him. So I'm excited, i guess this is how we will be celebrating our 1 year.

Just wanted to share that little tidbit with you all.

:)

Sisterly Love?

2010-05-13T08:46:00.004-05:00

I am so tired of my family fighting. All they do is fight, its always divided and us against them, them against us. It makes me so tired and i hate it. People wonder why i don't want kids or wonder why i don't want to get married or wonder why i freaking hate Houston. Cause my family is here and no matter how much i love them, i hate living here with them.

My dad will be an ass with my mom, and my mom loves him so much she puts up with it. Then this only happens sometimes. Most times they are great together but it seems every now and then he gets in his little moods. Then my sister, first of all even tho i love her i cant stand her, i hate being around i hate talking to her cause everything she says is bullshit. I'm sorry i know that sounds harsh but it is. She is constantly saying shit that she doesn't even know about. And then her and my dad gang up on my mom, my mom is the sweetest kindest woman, she deals with so much and i feel like I'm her only ally. I cant leave her yet i cant stand to see her go through what she puts up with.

Ive always gotten along with both my parents. And the next statement I'm about to make is a huge accusation and you may think I'm wrong for saying it but its true. My sister is the one who causes all these problems.

Never has my biological sister ever made me feel good. She has always been mean to me since we were younger and she never looks out for me. She is incredibly selfish and only does for the loser men that come in and out of her life and for her friends yet she expects us to pick up the pieces when her friends or the current boyfriend drop her. She is so stupid with guys, i cant tell you the amount of debt that she has gotten into by buying these guys stuff and taking care of them. My parents have now had to move her at least 3 times because of the crappy relationships she gets herself into.

I get so frustrated with my family and i just don't know what to do, i have so much shit on my plate with probation and my own bills i don't need this from them. You would think, considering my sister fucked me with the lawyer she made me get, she would help, not once has she offered after she said she would, its been a year since i got arrested, and i can count on my hand how much she has helped me. This considering i didn't have a license i have payments she got me into that i cant afford and just her overall lack of being a sister.

My cousin has been more of a sister than her. She would call to see if i needed to go anywhere and she would take me places just to get me out of the house. E has also stepped in to take care of me. Then my sister wants to talk shit cause we go do things, like when we went to SA for my birthday n the playoffs. Yeah well my boyfriend took me and paid for it all. And what did my sister do, i got a crappy birthday facebook wall post, not even an offer for lunch or anything.

I really don't think i can be around her, i will literally tell her off and make her cry if i see her anytime soon. Then who will come in to tell me something, my dad, cause he has to defend her cause me and my mom pick on her so they say. My mom and i don't talk to her cause when we do its nothing but attitude, i really don't know if i can handle any more of this family. I'm so ready to leave. December is too far away.

Good & Bad

2010-05-10T12:36:00.002-05:00

It seems like my blogs are always so bipolar, when i reread them sometimes they make me laugh.

This weekend was great, my friend graduated with her Masters in Social Work. At her party we had a great time, met up with old high school friends and just enjoyed myself.

I realize how lucky i am, i looked at my friends and all are doing so great but yet all of them have such great responsibilities and im still chillin. lol. I just dont have a lot going on for the most part and i like it that way. Some are single parents, some are getting married, some are married with kids. It is so crazy to see how everyone has changed in such a short amount of time. I wonder about my strength sometimes, i wonder if i could handle thier loads.

One great friend has a child and the father is in jail, her parents are all over the place and she cant depend on them for help it is truly just her. Thats so amazing to me, im proud of her and how hard she works but i wonder if i could handle the same load.

Even tho some days money frustrates me and bills and appt and meetings and work i know that the load could get so much heavier and that things could be so worse off. I'm holding it together as best i can.

I appreciate E but our current dilemma is that he has money & i don't. I can barely afford the bills, i know that a lot of it is the probation, im putting out at least $200 a month for my car stuff and probation costs which would be my spare money, i dont need much to survive or have fun but now im at the point where i dont even have much. In his mind he doesn't care that he pays all the time and he wants to do whatever we want and he wants me to go to. I cant do that, to me its so wrong, i want to be able to help to, at least pay for a meal once or twice, or be able to afford to put gas in my car to go somewhere or even do special little things like he does for me. And i cant do that, i cant be the girlfriend i want to be. I don't want him to help with bills or my expenses he should have to, my problem is mine alone. I just need him to understand and although he does he is still stubborn on this. We cant seem to find a compromise. I wonder if we will, in November things should get easier & in February of next year they should be increasingly better. But until then we need to figure something out. i don't know what, any suggestions?

Mostly i am very happy in my life but there are times when stuff gets overwhelming or hard, it could always be worse but it could also be better. I hope that soon i get this figured out. Very soon.

Honeymoon Is Over

2010-04-14T10:33:00.004-05:00

We are going on a year of being together. We have had a strong and sturdy relationship all this time. We hardly use to fight and when we did it was so brief, like we would be over it in minutes. We would talk through it and resolve it. We never went to sleep angry or not talking.

Recently and i do mean recently maybe just the past 2 wks or so we have had trouble. We seem to keep fighting, i think a lot is me. I know some is him. Mostly me because when something (outside or inside the relationship) is bothering me i take it out on the world around me and that is E. He is my world. He means so much to me and i have never felt a love like this, yes I'm only 24 and who knows he might not be the last relationship i ever have, although i would like him to be, but its the strongest I've ever felt.

I grew up with a lot of dysfunctional relationships around me, i never thought i would find "the one" i never even felt that existed. I feel that way with E. From the day we met i fell in love and not "love and first sight" i fell in love with the person he is and the way we talked. He has just been great.

So now we fought and we fight and i want to be better and try to understand whats going on between us. I want to fix the problems but i just don't know. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he couldn't say yes or no right away. That literally broke my heart into a million tiny little pieces. I am more than willing to try harder to fix our relationship i want to work at it, and I've never before even felt the need to want to work at a relationship but i am more than willing now. Of course he later said he did want to work on it and wants to be with me but that made me feel like he was doubtful that really hurt more than i can ever imagine. that is something i never want to feel again.

Ive always been this really rough person i don't like to share my feelings or talk things out. But i feel like he is asking me to change for him but he cant even say that he wants to be with me. I know he doesn't want me to change for him in that sense but just to be more open to be willing to work thru our fights and misunderstandings and try to get past all of this. I feel conflicted.

The Pre-E part of me wants to tell him that if he cant say he wants to be with me, is the same as saying he doesn't love me, and why should i work on our relationship when its so obviously doomed to fail. The new side of me wants to do whatever it takes to make it better so that we feel like we have been feeling before all of this.

I want this to work more than i have ever wanted anything in my life but im also unsure now cause i feel like he doesnt want to be with me. Funny how all this can come from one little statement.

:(

Oh Metro

2010-03-17T07:48:00.002-05:00

Today i got a warning for not tapping my QCard before i got on the rail. I tapped it when i got on the bus but yes when i transferred i didnt tap it to get on the rail. I understand the reasoning behind this but i am so furious this morning because of 3 reason.

When you tap it on the bus it deducts your fair $1.25, when you "transfer" to the rail & tap it again, it does not make a deduction because it is considered 1 trip. Therefore i paid my fair and even had i tapped it, no money would have been deducted.
When you are rushing to the rail that is about to leave and you tap your card a lot of times the train will not wait for you to pay your fair and will leave so most times (knowing i have already paid) i just jump on as to not miss the train and have to wait!
Before 7am most ppl riding the rail are honest ppl heading to work like myself, we pay our fair and yet in times like this we get warnings or citations, where are these Metro Police in midday or late afternoon when there are tons of ppl who obviously dont pay and have no intention of paying but just riding for free. I think at that hour you can tell we are just trying to get to work and we pay our fair whether we "tapped" or not!

So i got my little warning which i will now have to submit to my PO, its just upsetting this is not a fair way to go about this. I understand the officer is just enforcing, its his job but at the same time why should he not be able to let me go when i obviously paid my fair and have done no harm. I guess in the end its like we, the ppl who have little mishaps like this, who have to pay these fines in order to let those other Houstonians ride for free, cause honestly if you fine a homeless person or someone who doesnt care enough to pay or have a QCard chances are they dont pay these fines even if they get them.

Thanks Houston Metro, we are all going places now!

#1 Fan

2010-02-08T10:08:00.002-06:00

My God Family has been in my life before i could talk or walk, they are a huge part of my life. And this weekend i noticed something that i guess I've always known but it still warmed my heart.

My God Brother Carlos, he is like maybe 10 years older than me and i grew up with his family. His mom was my babysitter since i was months old and eventually she became my God Mother. Well every since i can remember he has been into rock n roll, Spanish rock that type of stuff. He has had a band for years and he has been on the music scene since high school. He's not a big name he has played a few shows in various cities in Texas and also a few other states. Needless to say music is his passion it is something he will never give up.

My God Parents on the other hand are traditional Mexican, born and raised in Mexico and they came here for the "American Dream" right.... Anyways my God Mother understands but wont speak English and my Godfather is the same way. Of course i know he speaks it to clients cause he runs his own business but i don't think i have ever heard him talk it myself but i know he knows. lol.

So this weekend my god brother/neighbor came around to let us know he was having a party. He lives on one side of me in a duplex, that his parents own, and his parents live on the other side of me in a house. So he was going to be playing loud until about midnight. No big deal to me right? He invited us and everything. So we go over, its not really our scene the whole rock and roll thing but of course I'm going to go how can i not.

The thing that was so touching was seeing my godmother. Carlos is like 30 something he has pursued this dream of music forever, and altho his parents don't even understand the music he plays and in all honesty they may not even like it, it never ceases to amaze me how support of him they are. I could not get past the image of my Godmother in her little sweater and sweatpants walking around with her little granny glasses on taking picture with her digital camera. I mean the scene is a bunch of punk rockers all in black, pretty drunk listening to her son play and cheering him on. It seemed so odd to me but so sweet and beautiful. Her unyielding support of her son. I just think of the day when i have a kid and he may come to me wanting to do or be apart of something i don't understand but i hope to be like her. I want to be that mom who is just so proud, even at midnight with the cops coming to shut down the party she is out there supporting her son.

It was just something i saw this weekend that i wanted to share, an odd picture but a beautiful sentiment. I hope all of you have something or someone like this in your life to support you no matter what. I think my parents would do the same...

If It's Not One Thing...

2010-02-03T20:03:00.003-06:00

It's another. That says is soooo true. You hear it all the time, i know i always heard it from my parents but i thought it was something adults say. lol. This blog is going to be short and just me complaining.

So im dealing with the probation thing okay. But its like i was so excited to get my income taxe back and pay off my entire fees. Then $300 goes to a plumber, of course i dont have to pay it off right now, my fees. But i was trying really hard to get ahead. It sucks but im dealing with it. Then i get into a huge argument with my sister over dinner when i was just trying to go and chill out. Then i am still having a pain in my back, and i might possibly have scabies. So im keeping E/Trouble away cause i dont want him to get them. Im having to stay up way past my bed time for this damn breathalyzer that makes me get up at 11pm.

Im frustrated but i needed to vent. Im going to be okay i know that. I keep thinking things could be way worse and it makes me feel better. I just sometimes want to cry. But on a good note although i hate being without E i think some time alone will do me some good. Maybe watch a few chick flicks, get the crying out, read a book or two. Do some girly stuff, you know paint my toes, pluck my eyebrows, wash my hair lol.

Im feeling better already just sometimes it seems like a never ending cycle. But again things could be worse and im surviving. Im living, im able to wake up every morning. I have a family that loves me and helps me. I have a boyfriend who loves me and cares for me. All in all things are good....

Bad Moods

2009-12-29T18:59:00.003-06:00

So this blog kind of relates to the last one. I'm having these spurts of bad moods. I don't know what it is but sometimes I'm just so annoyed and i just want everyone to go away. The smallest things annoy me and I'm trying to shake them off.

I think worst of all its that people don't seem to understand the inconvenience that i feel i cause. My parents are constantly inviting me over and its not that i don't like to go over its just that i have to wait until someone is ready to bring me home and i have make someone go out of their way to do stuff for me. Every time i tell my parents no i feel like I'm being rude or hurting their feelings but honestly i just don't like being on someone Else's schedule.

E is great and he is always with me and he goes above and beyond to help me and do things for me but at the same time he understands that if I'm ready to go or don't want to go then that's that. I like to go and come as i please, Ive been that way since i was probably 16.

So something that really bothered me today was my sister asking me "why don't you let me know when you need to do stuff" Well let me guess, because her moods are like a freaking roller coaster and i never know what type of mood she is in. Second because she doesn't offer. I hate asking for favors, i ask my mom and even tho she is using my car right now, which lightens the guilt, i still don't like to. But my mom constantly asks me if i want or need to go somewhere i don't think my sister has even if she has i can count the amount of times on one hand.

I guess i just want people to understand. that although i greatly appreciate it I'm okay being alone and also id prefer to be alone over having to wait on someone. I'm not sure if that sounds awful or if anyone can understand that. But perhaps that's the reason for my bad moods. I just want to scream leave me the hell alone im ok!!

Overwhelmed

2009-11-30T14:19:00.002-06:00

I've officially gotten overwhelmed. My emotions are all over the place at this point. Even typing this i am trembling a bit. I'd finally gotten to a "happy" place. A place where i am content where im not asking for more and just letting things flow. And now i have to face reality cause on Wednesday i go to court. Hopefully this is the last court date. But who knows.

I'm really nervous and I'm realizing that i am getting overwhelmed with everything. My feelings are all over the place and i have another situation which is not helping but that my friends is for another blog.

I just don't know if this is something i can handle. I realize the program is the best choice i can go a year without drinking i can do without driving for a while, i am doing it right now. But i don't know if i can afford this. And if you mess up anywhere. even once, like missing a pymt you get automatically 30 days in jail. Yeah and that sucks. As it is im making it financially. I am paying my bills and we still get to do some stuff but im struggling this is the first time i am on my own completely.

I haven't been thinking about it because every time i do i get nervous and start crying. That's another thing, my emotions are wild. I get mad over everything, annoyed at the smallest things, i start crying for no reason, shoot that sounds like a pregnant woman, lol. I try to control myself and just relax but realistically its not something you can make yourself do.

I'm just hoping i can get away without having to get either of the 2 things that are the most money. 1 is the interlock in my car, which i cant drive until March anyways, or the SCRAM device which i have to wear, its an ankle monitor that reads my alcohol intake. But both are very expensive and require a monthly cost which i cant afford. I didn't want to take the program but my lawyer says that it is cheaper than taking the conviction. Also i do get my record expunged at the end of it, which its 12-24 month long program.

A year of my life seems too much to ask for a misdemeanor charge. I understand that what i did was wrong and its not ok, but at the same time i have a friend would had a felony amt of drugs on him and was arrested and let go on a 6 month probation and fine. Something about this isn't evening out. I could understand if i had anything on my record but I've never done anything wrong, other than a few speeding tickets which my last was more than 2 years ago. I just feel that this is too much to risk on something that im not sure i can complete.

I feel like the program is more about taking your money than "helping" those who need it. Who knows if ill even get approved for it. I don't have a drinking problem, and those ppl out there who do I'm sure are already back behind the wheel.

Big Steps

2009-11-23T14:14:00.003-06:00

i guess im growing up. i never thought i would come to this stage in my life where i am actually ready to be an adult. To have an adult relationship, an actual commitment. Im happy tho i can honestly say ive never been more happy in my life. Things are going great. We have been big plans for the future and and hopefully things fall into place as we are praying for them to do. Although its truly been a short time our relationship is so strong. Something im proud of and he is someone i truly trust. Ive never had that before and its a great feeling. So stayed posted i believe there are big things to come.

Love
MG

Halloween

2009-10-30T08:39:00.003-05:00

Halloween is probably my 3rd favorite holiday, next to My Birthday & Christmas.

I know its considered a kids holiday or that its a made up thing in order to make money, (you know the whole "man" thing) anyway i love this holiday cause its the one night out the year that you can be someone else completely. Where its okay to play dress up, even as an adult, and walk around town begging. lol No one is going to judge you beacuse ur dressed up and no one is going to give you a hard time cause you want to be different.

When i was little i was all sorts of things, i remember being a carebear, a tiger, a devil, a witch, a bum, hmmm and the list goes on. But its almost like a no rules type night. Although i havent dressed up in years for Halloween, i love seeing the kids dress up, and if you know me you know i dont like kids, cant stand them lol i know im horrible but to see kids dress up its for like 3 reasons, either A) they want to scare you B) they want to look cool/pretty and the big one C) the want to be someone different or more commonly their idol or hero. Kids dress up as batman, superman, (back in my day) power rangers, hannah montana, angels etc. They want to be something better and bigger and you can truly see kids imaginations and excitement in getting to be the hero even if just for a night.

I wish i could go back to that time, but honestly if i were to dress up right now it would be as a Spur lol those are my heros. Its fun to have heros, to pretend & to really play. Although over the years my treats have changed from candy to beer it still has the same background.

This year we are going to spend tonight watch scary movies and tomorrow night at the Rockets game but its def gonna be good. I got my partner with me and we took off Monday (for court stuff) so we have a long beautiful weekend together. I hope everyone has a great time and is safe out there.

Happy Halloween!

Terrorists

2009-09-25T11:24:00.002-05:00

Well this morning as i was getting ready i was watching the news about the potential bombing in Dallas. Stuff like this always gives me a mixed feeling. Its very sad to think this is still going on. And at the same time it confuses me.

I dont understand why people want to hurt Americans. I dont understand how people allow other people to control thier minds. Its very scary at the same time. One of the ladies who committed the Charlie Manson murders died in jail today or yesterday. Its amazing how these people were able to let a sick man get in their heads and make them do these things. How week minded are people to lose control of themselves.

The sad part is that although it is wrong how others want to hurt us in some cases i can understand. There is never a reason for violence especially not war. I dont understan the politics of the war going on now but i do believe that America being the great country that it is should take care of its own. I believe that our soldiers should be here on our shores safe. I believe that even tho we were attacked so viciously at 9/11 there is a line that should not be crossed.

All 3 of my uncles were in the military. I understand the position that many ppl take but it truly saddens me to hear of the loss of some many men and women and its something that i feel can be avoided. I wonder if true peace is every going to happen. Or if it ever was in existence or something fabricated in our own minds. I think sometimes if every country were to keep to itself and do things the way they wanted to a lot of conflict could be avoided, but then that creates prejudice.

Well that's just my thought for today. Im sure everyone has their own opinions about stuff as sensitive as this. As hippy as this might sound i just hope one day our country, if not the world can honestly be filled with love, peace, happiness and respect for everyone to do what they must to achieve this. :)

Break

2009-09-24T14:06:00.002-05:00

I thought Sober Week was hard! lol We are on our little break thing right now. Its going ok but its only day two. I think it is best that we do this. I feel like its something for him as well as for me.

My best friend told me last night that i do have problems with pushing away and that why was i doing this to myself, talking about the break. I dont really feel like im doing it to myself i feel like im doing it for him. is that the wrong kind of thinking?

well anyways im not really sad or upset its hard to describe the way i feel. i guess i just miss him. Its hard being away from him especially without any contact. Its almost like since the day we met we've been inseperable.

I know that if we can get thru this and both still feel the same about each other afterward then maybe i can finally let that guard down. The one that apparently is always pushing. I dont see if but if the ones closest to you can then its probably there. Sad part is i dont mean to do it, its almost a reaction type thing, like "whoa too much feelings going on there, defense mechanism: activated" lol

Anyways im going to try to blog everyday throughout this "break" about something. Anything, something that made me happy or sad. Something that distracted me from him. Or about him and the things i miss most. Which are a lot.

Yesterday was the hardest, i got home and he left a note on my made-up bed. I immediately started crying, everytime i read it it makes me cry but for a good reason, cause even in the simplest 3 sentence long note that he left i can feel his love.

I know this is going to work for us it has to, cause altho we havent known each other long i know i cant be without him. Til tomorrow my friends!

Getting Serious?

2009-09-17T07:59:00.004-05:00

So last night we hit an interesting road bump. Let me give a bit of background to the situation.

Trouble and I met the night i got my DWI, both of us had just gotten out of serious relationships. His was a lot more recent than mine and more serious. Mike and i had broke up about 5 months before and it was long distance so when we met (me & trouble) i was over Michael. I no longer had hopes of us being together. Our relationship was done. Trouble's was a lot more fresh, without putting all his business out there, simply put he was in the process of moving out when we met. So as you can tell from that alone it was very new. And altho it was over between them it scared me to get involved. I think we have been moving at a steady pace. Its been 4 months and things are great. He makes me very happy and we don't have titles at this point for each other, we consider us "talking" as i still get scared of the fact that it may be too fast for him.

So i had been thinking that i think a good break from each other would be good for him. I don't want to do this, its not something i want for me because i know i want to be with him but i think its something that is good for him. I think he should take some time and date someone else, spend time with his friends & family, in other words take sometime to enjoy single life. We fell in love very fast and very hard. To me its the greatest thing ever i love being in love with him, if that makes any sense, I've never felt something so strong in my life. He says he doesn't want that but if i force the break then he will take it.

And here is the deal breaker, he said that after the break if we can "get serious"!? This is where i start to panic. I'm scared to get serious. And honestly part of me doesn't even know what that means. I think we love each other very much and altho it hasn't been said we are faithful and committed to each other. I know that without having to say it. So how can we get anymore serious than that.

As it is i feel I'm holding him back, i have a suspended license, I'm about to get on probation, which is really going to limit my time and ability to do things. He said he doesn't care about that and he wants to be with me, but i don't know what to do. I wont lie a tiny part of me was happy to hear him say that cause i feel the same way but then there is the other HUGE part of me that is terrified. Eventually i plan to go back home (to SA) what happens then? How is this going to work? am i thinking too far ahead? what if i commit myself to him and things are wonderful and in 1 or 2 yrs when I'm ready to leave he isn't? I just don't know. Now i completely avoided answering this "getting serious" thing by spilling my beer but this is all my mental thought process.

Anyway later in the night we kind of argued cause i always push him away, which is true i do. i don't know why i have major issues i know but then we talked and we decided to be happy together. So now I'm kinda like hmmm, does this mean there is no break. Is this us getting serious? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. And the worse part is i don't even get to talk to him about it til Saturday cause he has to take around his dad for the next 2 days, he comes from Puerto Rico every couple of months for doctor's appts.

So i think I'm going to use these next few days to clear my mind. decide what i really and truly want and then tell him what i want and see if its what he wants. Altho i am scared i feel deep in my heart he is worth the risk cause i know he wont hurt me. He hasnt so far and i don't want to do it to him. Wish me luck guys and if you have any advice at all please share.

From your issue-filled twitter/spurs friend -MG :)

Labor Day = Moving Day

2009-09-04T14:08:00.003-05:00

So as tragedy struck my Trouble and our plans had to be canceled for the long weekend i decided to go ahead and move up my move from next weekend to this weekend. That way i am busy with that and don't have time to miss him as much, well that's the plan anyways.

Its a swap what we are doing. My sister is moving back home after a very difficult break up and i am moving into the house she was living in. Along with my new roommate, my bff, we have wanted to live together forever so this is perfect timing! I'm excited about it.

I love organizing and cleaning. I feel good when i finish a big project like that. i don't know why its very odd i know. But hopefully ill be settled when he gets back and we can spend Labor Day together relaxing and just being together.

I'm a huge planner, if you didn't already know that. In my head i already know how my furniture will be arranged and what will go where. Its already done in my head which some ppl find odd but i don't like things to be a mess. when its time to move everything in i like to be able to say that goes there and that goes there and there is no removing things. Everything is set in its place!

Well that's what ill be up to this Labor Day weekend. Should be fun, I'm sure there will be some twitpics and frustrated tweets from me, after all my family is helping and that is always interesting. :) Hope everyone else has great plans and enjoys their long weekend. Love you guys!

.12

2009-08-27T14:46:00.002-05:00

Well ive been wanting to blog about this for a while but have just been avoiding it seeing as i have mixed feelings on the situation. But, thats my blood result, .12 the legal limit is .08 so yeah im over.

Now its not all bad, there is a program with the DAs office where i can get on a pretrial diversion program and do some stuff for a year and after that year my case will get dismissed and my lawyer will help get it expunged. But if i mess up the terms of that probation i get 30 days in jail. So this is a rough deal. Cause it could be a tiny simple slip and i could be back in jail & trust me i never want to go back. There is also a lot of flaws with the program and people are saying that it is not legal and that there are many problems with it, like i would have to enter a guility plea.

So now my debate is whether to take the probation or cut a deal. I still have to see the stipulations of the program but from a rough draft ive seen ill have curfew & i cant go to bars, ill have to take alcohol tests and counseling there are quite a few things. Im not sure if i want the hassle, either way its something im going to consider and i wont make a decision until i have all the facts laid out in front of me.

Im hoping its something i can tolerate but somehow it seems that its really more than its worth but ill try to be open minded. So thats all for now about my legal troubles, im hoping for the best!

Missing

2009-08-17T15:18:00.002-05:00

I didn't realize i could miss a person so much until Saturday. I'm not a too attached type person. I'm really okay being alone. I have no problems with that. This weekend Michael came to visit.

I spent Friday evening with my best friend and Trouble. We had fun, we went to a few bars and then home. We stayed up talking until finally falling asleep. In all it was a typical day with Trouble and a fabulous one as always.

So Saturday he leaves and Mike comes to town, we go to the beach he spends the entire time fishing. We come back and I'm pretty tired from the night before and he is tired from the beach so we go to sleep. I was super bored and lonely at the beach, i was really kinda bummed. Sunday we get up see The Goods, eat at Wings N More and then i go home clean and a few hours later he leaves.

I realize this sounds like a super uneventful weekend, but the entire time all i could think of was how much i miss my Trouble. I just wanted to spend the day with him like we have every weekend since we met. I know ill be able to spend time without him but its like when you have so much fun with someone and there is never a dull moment, and time is flying then you spend time with someone who you used to have a blast with i guess things change.

I realize it may seem like an exaggeration to say that i missed him so much it was barely over 36 hours that we didn't see each other but it was the longest for me. Last night we went to the track and had a blast, i had so much fun in like 5 hours than i did the whole weekend. Maybe Mike and i still have a little tiff in the air over our previous fight so things seemed awkward. But i can honestly say that i really do enjoy spending time with Trouble, its not just about having a lot to talk about, things in common, which is a big part of why we work, its about having fun together cause we truly do have a good time. no matter what we may be doing.

Just wanted to say (again for the like 100millionth time) how glad i feel to have found him. :)

On a side note wish me luck, i have court again on Thursday, that will make for a long blog I'm sure. Hopefully not another reset.

Fighting

2009-08-10T14:12:00.003-05:00

Uh-oh, the inevitable happened. Trouble & I have gotten into what i can tifts. Like small arguments where one of us is usually mad but not at the other one, and the other one is calm. We haven't both gotten mad and def not at each other. So we had our first fight on Friday.

Briefly ill tell you what happened, he is of Puerto Rican (& Honduran) dissent and I am of Mexican dissent (among Czech, Spanish, & Indian). But anyways i always had a negative stereotype over Puerto Ricans til i met him, and i know that's horrible and def not all PRs but more over PR men. But i joke a lot about it cause the first night we met i was telling him how i had that stereotype and it turned in to a joke. Well he made a joke, which really wasn't as bad as i make about PRs but i took offense. It could have been the alcohol but still i got mad. He tried to explain his side and i did mine and it got heated. So i decide I'm ready to go and he tells me to go ahead he'll close our tab i can leave, well Mr. Puerto Rican thought i would be like no, ill wait or something. Hell no, this Mexican took off. it was the funniest thing (not at the time).

So I'm driving home, and he calls me that he wants to come over to my house, and I'm like well do i have a choice or are you coming anyways, he said he was coming anyways but if i would please let him in. So i go in leave the door open and go to the RR when i come out he is laying in my bed playing with Kit-Tea. Needless to say the fight ended. He did his apologizing and i did mine and the night was saved. I thought i was so cute because I'm never like that. It takes a lot of time for me to cool off but i just looked at him and thought 'i don't want to fight with you' and he said it before i could. he just makes me very happy. more than i can express in words.

Our first fight, to me, was a failure, no ugly words were thrown, no raised voices, oh wait yes at the bar he kinds raised his voice and said "would you let me talk?!" my response "why are you yelling at me?" and his was "I'm sorry, please let me speak" it was so funny, apologizing in the middle of a fight for being mean, i mean that's the point of a fight right.

So we fought, and he is still around and I'm still happy and i want to stay that way for a long time with him. He even kinda made a comment how San Antonio is the only other city he would live in, in Texas. :) He knows i plan to move there.

Just being girly & mushy! Love you guys!

Smooth Sailing

2009-08-06T09:28:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since i blogged and i kind of feel distant from everyone, i know i got a new friend and all of a sudden I'm MIA! lol But I'm at work and Twitter is down so i will Blog! :) Really, like my last few blogs this is about the guy. Feel free to skip over, but before i was having some hard times incorporating everyone in my life. Somehow tho it has fell into place, i think RG had something to do with that. She said it would go down that way. lol

Friends, are doing well, altho it took everyone a little time to adjust to the new and very important addition to my life they have all come around in their own way, don't get me wrong i still "disgust" them I'm sure but they have gotten over it, for the most part.

The Best Friend, is having a hard time, she was hurt by that good-for-nothing man she was seeing, can you believe that he is engaged to his ex-girlfriend, 3 months after they (him & my bff) broke up. She has her days and I'm a lot more understanding now to her animosity towards my Trouble, (misery loves company) no excuse but i have to be understanding. And I'm standing by her side & we are gonna get over this heartbreak together, like we've done everything else.
Michael we had a brief parting of the ways due to Trouble but he has gotten over his issues with the situation and learned just how happy i am and he is genuinely happy for me, this is the biggest thing for me cause Mike means a lot to me. Altho he wont meet Trouble yet its okay, hell come around in his own time.
Twin, i don't mention him much but he is my other guy bff, he is the one who is always supportive no matter what, even if i became a drug addict stripper he would love me and never judge, lol. But he has really made the most effort among my friends to get to know him and they get along great.
Meghan, is my 2nd girl bff and she told me yesterday how happy she is for us. And that she is glad i found someone who can make me so happy. She's my girl thru thick and thin and it means so much that her along w/ everyone else is finally on my side.

Family is my core, the reason i function and the reason i am the person i am today.

Dad and i recently had an argument. My dad and i don't fight, at all. So this was something that was hard to deal with. But in true Daddy's Girl fashion, we went to Happy Hour and talked through things. We are seeing eye to eye again, and the scariest part was me telling my Dad that i am in love. But the funny part is that it wasn't hard for me to say it. when he asked if it felt right in my heart i knew it did.
Mom, is 1000% supportive and thrilled, just being a typical mom! As long as i am happy she will back me, when dad and i went thru our little tift she was on my side and that meant so much to me.
Sisters, well one has her issues and the other has really been the one to hang, like really hang out with us. We all get along so well, Me/Trouble & Elaine/Troy. I really don't know if our relationship (mine & troubles) however new and fast it may be, would have survived had it not been for her. She is the one who pushed me to have fun and screw what the rest think, cause just like she said (and you all said it too) they would come around eventually & if not oh well as long as i was happy.

Overall i can't complain with how things are going. I'm completely happy. Its been a long time. Those phone calls and text messages really brighten my day. Dollar beer night is the only way i make it through the week now. And every weekend is a new adventure that is always filled with love, happiness, laughter, fun and a dash of trouble. i could go on for days, but to spare you the disgusted look i will simply tell you thanks for being there completely & enjoy all the love that you may have in your life. Because (and here is the pessimistic side of me coming out) you never know how long you'll have it but you'll always remember how great it was.

Love you guys!

Choosing

2009-07-16T13:20:00.003-05:00

Lately i have felt that my friends are making me choose between them and the guy I'm falling in love with. I don't know how to handle this. I don't think they mean to do it but still.

I know I'm a bit different when I'm with him. Not in a bad way but its like when we are together i only have eyes for him. We just get so entranced with one another we don't realize where the time goes or even whats going on around us. But here is the thing i realize that. I know when we are together we are like that and so i usually hang out alone with him. But if i make plans to hang with my friends i make sure I'm hanging with them. Even if he is there.

Yesterday, for the 2nd time they showed up on us. And i don't mind at all its a free country and it dollar beer night so i get it but don't come back to me and say that I'm all girly and its gross to watch. My plans were with him and not you. Now i realize that sounds super mean but i don't mean it in that sense. I just really hate to be "that girl" the one who ignores her friends for a new guy. Its not the case at all, i really think our relationship could last longer so I've made it a point to tell my bff that we need to set a night for each other every week. I'm making an effort not to shut my friends out but i don't think they are extending the same courtesy.

Last weekend really hurt me, my gbff (girl bff, Mike would be my bbff, boy bff) said lets get drunk on Saturday so i said okay and invited my new friend to drink with us. We had spent the day at the racetrack so i figured he would just stay and we would have fun together. So during the day he is telling me that he is looking forward to spending time with us and getting to know her. (i know hes the sweetest thing ever...*sigh*) So i know i mentioned this to her ahead of time and she calls me and wants to change the plans to go to her house and i tell her well ill have my friend with me and we would be more comfortable hanging out at my house. Then it gets weird all of a sudden. cause "she doesn't know if she is comfortable hanging out with US" wait what does that mean? 1st, I'm ur bff it doesn't matter who is there and 2nd if you realize, cause I've told you, this person is important to me then why aren't you making more of an effort to get to know him. Why does this have to be awkward. So after she said that i said i wasn't going to tell him not to be there after already inviting him even though he said he would go away. I wanted to be with both of them the 2 ppl i love. She broke my heart with that. Of course she text me later and said it would be fine and came and we had a good time. But the fact that she wasn't okay with it at first bothered me.

My thing is that when you are the one who is making me choose i am not going to choose you. And he feels so bad (cause as some of you know i was put into a similar predicament with Mike recently) cause he doesn't want to come in between me and my friends. But i feel my friends are tripping. Another friend has a boyfriend and he told me that he would like to go out, us with them two but I'm honestly a little scared at how that might turn out. Cause it doesn't seem to be going in my favor, i have 4bffs, so far i seem to be losing, 2 have had an issue and 1 is always neutral.

I'm in love and i cant help it. I'm freaking happy. Yes i get it, this came out of nowhere and its odd and its going fast and no one seems to get it. But it is what it is and we cant change that. I hope in time that this will all blow over. That everyone will be bffs!

Sorry just complaining again.

The 4th & Forgiveness

2009-07-06T15:17:00.004-05:00

This weekend was great. I really had so much fun with The Conductor. We always have so much right. Well to use RG's term we hit a bump in the road. Not like a pebble more of a speed bump. I'm going to do this the vaguest way possible.

We were hanging out and he did something without warning me. Something that I'm only okay with if I'm told about it first. Something i said i didn't want him to do that day. Well this something pissed me the F off. I was so mad. And when i get mad like this i need to be alone. I deal with my emotions differently than some. I was so mad i kept telling him to leave and that i needed to be alone. I was being a real bitch cause well that's what i do when I'm pissed off.

This was the deal breaker. He didn't leave. No matter how mean and rude and what messed up comments i made to him, he stayed. So it took me like at least an hour to calm down. He stayed by my side and tried his best to explain to me what he did and how he felt really bad about it. And that it would never happen again. And he came up with a solution for us and i forgave him.

He told me that with me hes the happiest he has ever been. Now I'm really skeptical about stuff like this and guys saying these sorts of things but i believe him and honestly i feel the same way about him. he makes me really happy and i know what he did wasn't really on purpose. now i don't know/think this will last forever. Its almost too good to be true but in the mean time i want to hold on to this good feeling. i want to spend as much time with him as possible and it seems like he does too.

So i felt the need to just kinda get the drama off my chest and let it go completely. I feel like i can do that now.

I Have...

2009-06-30T10:20:00.001-05:00

Made a Decision. :)

Can't wait to be back in San Antonio,
even if it's just for a few days. Love ya!

~MG

Time Flies...

2009-06-29T11:45:00.003-05:00

Well as we all know i have a friend, things are going well in this friendship. I'm not making it more than it is. But my natural reaction as with most things that get to serious is to either.

A. laugh it off and joke about it, not take it seriously or
B. close up and run away.

Its taking everything in me right now not to do that second one.

So he mentioned a trip to San Antonio and right away i got excited but i said when it gets closer we will discuss it, i don't want to be making plans too far in advance but i said it sounded like a good idea. And it does but now I'm thinking is it too soon to go on a trip with someone i just met? i mean granted we get along great, but that's like 2 whole days together non stop. I don't know, i want to but I'm hesitant.

The quickness of it all is freaking me out. This weekend we spent almost a full day together, partially cuz the hangover didn't wear off and cause we wanted to, when he left i didn't want him to and he didn't want to. But that's also not good. I'm terrified now. Nothing has ever ever moved this fast for me.

I know y'all are thinking or saying "follow your heart" but I'm built differently. Ive always said that i cant think that way cause i just think your heart is dumb and is gonna get you in trouble. lol. But i do love some trouble. But that's not the point. I guess I'm just venting my worries and concerns. I do that too much don't i? Sorry.

PS. I just re-read this and i cant believe i put BUT in there like 10 times. I'm trying to totally talk myself out of what i want to do. Yeah this isn't gonna end well, i usually just end up doing what i want anyways.

A La Rattlergrl Part Deux

2009-06-25T07:54:00.005-05:00

25. What did you do last night? Went to see Transformers 2 w/ my family and talk on the phone.

26. What was the last film you saw at the movies? Transformers 2

27. What is your favorite movie? Good Will Hunting

28. What is your favorite TV show? I have many but of all time, Will & Grace

29. Now what show is really your favorite that you won't admit to seeing? Keeping up w/ the Kardashians

30. What is your favorite CD at moment? Hmm i dont think i have one at the moment lol

31. Favorite item of clothing? Do shoes count, If so my newest black heels, they are so fierce

32. Favorite sandwich? also odd, bologna with miracle whip & pickles, thats all

33. Favorite sport to watch? Spurs Basketball

34. What is your favorite candy? Not big on sweets but if i had to choose Sour Patch Kids

35. What is your favorite flower? Roses, but Orchids are beautiful

36. Favorite soft drink? Dr. Pepper

37. What was your favorite toy as a child? i loved Trolls, you remember dontcha?

38. Favorite day of the week? Saturdays, the day of the Trouble Train

39. What is your favorite song? I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith

40. What is your favorite love song? Lets Get It On by Marvin Gaye

41. Have you ever had your heart broken? I've broken my own heart if that makes sense. Ill be blunt, he wanted to do long distance, i refused didnt even want to try and told him no and i couldnt be with him that way. It was my choosing and i dont regret it.

42. Hugs or kisses? Besos

43. Do you remember your first real kiss? lol yes, a guy named Martin, it was not a pleasant experience. A principal saw us and then made a big deal. Horrible experience actually. lol

44. Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes Once

45. Any regrets from that serious relationship? No, only that we did stop talking for a bit afterwards but im glad we started again cause hes my best friend. So it worked itself out, had we not stopped talking i dont think i would appreciate him as much.

46. While in a relationship, what do you enjoy the most? Spending alone time together and having inside jokes. :)

47. Are looks or the way you are treated matter most in a relationship? Def Treatment, but both are a really good combo.

48. What is the first thing you notice about a person of the opposite sex? Looks, it sounds vain but its the first thing i see but it doesnt mean i wont talk to someone just cause i dont think they are smoking hott or whatever. Its just the first thing i notice not something i use to judge.

49. Did you feel uncomfortable sharing about yourself? Not at all

50. And finally, is there any news or exciting info you'd like to share with us? Sure, im freaking so happy now-a-days because of my new friend and i feel like such a dork. But i cant help but to smile and get giddy about it. And im not ashamed to admit it. lol

PS Thanks RG for everything! :)

A La Rattlergrl

2009-06-23T11:21:00.004-05:00

Rattlergrl posted this wonderful blog about herself and suggested we do the same. I thought it was a great idea to get to know you all on a different level and would love to read what you have to say. Its just a fun little something that has some interesting tidbits that i haven't already shared. Enjoy!

1. What is your middle name? Michelle

2. When is your birthday? April 3rd of 86

3. What kind of car do you drive? 06 Vista Blue Mustang Coupe, that's my baby!

4. Pets? Kit-Tea via the Flea Market in Poteet & Zena our family PitBull

5. Who was the first person you spoke to on the phone today? Kim a coworker

6. Who was the last person you spoke to last night? Trouble, late last night into the morning

7. What did you want to be when you were little? Don't laugh, for some reason a bus driver seemed quite glamorous, since then my goals have gotten a little higher.

8. How many towns have you lived in? 2 - San Antonio & Houston

9. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Argentina, yes because of Manu

10. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm decent in the morning but more of a night person, esp now ;)

11. What food do you dislike? Seafood, ugh really cant stand it, any of it.

12. What characteristic in a person do you despise? Rudeness, i hate to see ppl disrespect others or be rude cause they think they are above someone. Like a waiter or a bus driver. lol

13. Do you wish on stars? not anymore, but when i was little all the time

14. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Gold

15. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds that's my birthstone and they are just beautiful

16. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla

7. Coffee or tea? Tea

18. What is under your bed? Sometimes Kittea but usually nothing.

19. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 22nd, but i celebrated it as my 2nd 21st so i partied like a 21 year old. :)

20. When was the last time you cried? Wow with my sister on Tuesday, i have moments from time to time but i don't cry often. The stress of the court stuff got to me and i broke. I hate that.

21. What are you afraid of? Getting in too deep with my someone new.

22. Do you prefer Summer or Winter? Winter

23. How many keys on your key ring? 6 - my house, gate, room, sisters house, gate to sisters house & the mustang

24. What are you listening to right now at this moment? The fax machine, i just turned of my music.

On a fun side note I'd like to add that if you have any questions about anything maybe something i haven't answered fully or anything like that feel free to ask. Cause i know sometimes i wonder about things and want to ask too. So as long as we are being honest lets fulfill our curiosity as well. :)

Testing

2009-06-19T14:23:00.004-05:00

OMG, I think I get bored with myself and create these weird challenges.

At the beginning of the year i went vegetarian from January til Easter. I didn't have any good reason just to see if i could do it. I wanted to test my will power in a way. Is that odd, i knew i never planned to stop eating delicious meat but i just wanted to try it out. Its surprisingly a whole lot easier than you would think. There are a lot of options, but also a lot of temptation.

Now I'm trying a "Sober Week" as i have so cleverly named it. Just a test, no good reason for it either, (but i hardly ever have good reasons to do things) to see if i can really go 7 days without drinking. I'm not an alcoholic at all i usually only drink on the weekends and i don't always get drunk but i thought this was an interesting challenge. 7 days completely dry. I started on Thursday & its Friday now, and I'm so thirsty. No I'm totally kidding, not a bad deal at all the hard part was yesterday and only because my boss pissed me off and i went home and wanted to have a drink just to take the edge off, I'm sure you all know what i mean. But I'm better now, i talked it out and vented a bit. I really think this is going to be a breeze, should i maybe go for a month? Umm, no baby steps, lets not get carried away. lol.

Am i the only weirdo who does stuff like this or do you set personal goals or challenges for yourself, just because? I'm interested to know.

So for all of my Twitter friends have a drink for me this weekend and have fun!

Rules

2009-06-17T12:11:00.004-05:00

I don't talk to anyone but you all about this cause I'm just a naturally private person. i don't think I've even told anyone his name so that gives you an idea of how i am. things are going well, but i wonder about something.

i know as girls and doing the whole "talking" or "dating" thing there are certain rules. For instance there is the 3 day rule with calling/texting someone after meeting them. (My bff had never heard of it and i was like wtf!) Technically my friend failed on that one but only by 1 day. No big deal, cause I'm not one of those beat around the bush, play games type person.

Well now its gotten to the "talk everyday" stage. And i don't call guys, i know that may sound like I'm stuck up but the way i see it, unless they are officially your boyfriend, it should be the guy to call & if I'm interested ill answer. Every girl has their own rules and i don't think there is anything wrong with calling a guy but me personally cant do it. I know I'm a weirdo. So back to my point.

A friend (girl) told me that i should put a bit of space. Like if he calls maybe don't talk to him every 3 day or something. But i don't get it, why play? i mean i like talking to him, every time we have talked it has been for about 1hr at the least and that's rare for me. We talk about all sorts of random things from basketball to cars, and we have the same odd sense of humor which is fun. So why should i not talk to him if i want to.

But then of course that got me thinking, do i seem desperate or too available or by answering am i just showing that i am also into him and want to talk? Is that wrong if i am? Ive told him, if you don't want to talk to me, that's fine my feelings wont get hurt just don't call and that's that. No big deal, I'm not going to get all psycho and harass him or anything. So he knows what's up. Another friend (guy, Mike actually) just told me that he likes me and that by not answering he would think oh well maybe she isn't interested and he would probably stop calling or not as often.

So i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I mean i know what I'm going to do, I'm going to answer. I told him, "if i don't answer its cause i don't want to talk to you or I'm not interested" so if i don't answer, besides for like a real reason, (like being asleep or busy or stuff like that) its like I'm telling him nah i don't like you. But like he calls at night usually, he works evenings so I'm in bed watching TV or on the computer so I'm usually available. And besides id rather find out i don't like something about him while on the phone, as opposed to out in public. cause that would be awkward.

These rules are weird. I mean it doesn't really make sense in my tiny brain, it seems to be a little bit harder than it should be. I think I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing cause its working and cause I'm enjoying Trouble. On a side note I'm quite proud of myself for keeping my feelings in check. i mean i like the guy but I'm not attached, so yay! go me!

3 Hours

2009-06-12T09:15:00.004-05:00

I spent 3 hours on the phone last night talking to my friend. i hate talking on the phone. but for some reason it was okay. i enjoyed it. i almost didn't want to hang up. almost. lol. i think this friend is going to make me crumble quick. not good. trying to keep my guard up but its getting increasingly more difficult. ahh, i know better tho, i got my shit in check, lol yes i know that's the ghetto-est term ever but it makes sense in this situation. I'm going to be having a (hopefully) fun filled, long weekend so i might not be able to blog or tweet or chat too much but i most certainly will try. I'm going to be good, i just printed out Jiminy Cricket and put him in my pocket, ill need him. its not like i do bad things, I'm a good girl its just that i have too much fun and i honestly feel a little guilty about it. like i shouldn't be having fun right now or like I'm doing something wrong by having the fun. i don't know, things happen for a reason, or so they say. So I'm going to think like i know my spurs girls would want me to think, and I'm going to enjoy the heck outta this weekend and I'm going to have fun and I'm not going to feel guilty about any of it. yay me!

i have a tiny confession to make i know ppl aren't perfect, there is no such thing but even tho i don't know him that well i feel like we have a perfect match thing going on. altho it may only evolve into a great friendship, which honestly i prefer at this time, im happy i met him. eww okay ill stop being so girly now. lol

Zodiac Sign: Aries

2009-06-11T09:38:00.003-05:00

Now i have never been one to believe in this stuff. At all, its like i dont think cause me and a whole bunch of other people were born around the same time that it identifies our personality. Here at work a coworker told me, that i didnt seem like and Aries, a lot of people here are big on that. And i was thinking, well at work i put on a sort of front, i smile and i nod and do the appropriate work thing. im completely different. Then i stumbled upon this little thing and realized OMG im a total aries. lol. this is spot on about me. So just so you know a little more about me. I have included the link so you can see if your's is right about you. :)

Astrology Aries March 21 - April 19

Aries Strength Keywords:

- Independent
- Generous
- Optimistic
- Enthusiastic
- Courageous

Aries Weakness Keywords:

- Moody
- Short tempered
- Self-involved
- Impulsive
- Impatient

Aries and Independence:

Aries personalities are independent. Being the first of the zodiac signs, they venture out and are go-getters, often leading the way. Their upbeat and magnetic personality often entices others to follow their lead because Aries personalities bring excitement into others lives.

Aries and Friendship:

Aries are good friends, they always look out for their friends with caring and generosity and will protect them should the need arise and encourage them with their natural optimism. If confronted, Aries can turn to be quite childish, they will fight back with their agressive nature and are known to have temper tantrums should they not get their way.

Aries and Business:

Aries are activists. If a business idea comes their way, they tend to plunge right in. Aries are more then willing to take a gamble and follow their dreams and goals. However, if success is not immediate, they tend to lose interest and give up easily. Aries are notorious for not finishing what they have begun. This is due to the low tolerance for boredom and lack of patience. If the excitement is gone from their business idea, they go off and search for it elsewhere.

Aries Temperament:

Independence is key to Aries astrology, they do not like to take orders from others and enjoy getting their way. They can get childish or moody should they be given orders that they do not like. Aries easily take offense to comments made. Aries are self-involved and can be self-centered, if they do not pay attention to the feelings of others, Aries can easily become spoiled and resented by others. In order to get their way, Aries will tell a lie if it seems advantageous to do so. They are however, not very good liars and other people can usually see through them.

Aries Deep Inside:

Underneath the strong, independent surface may lie insecurity. This is due to the intense drive to succeed and Aries put too much pressure on themselves, thus resulting in self-doubt however, the natural optimism and enthusiasm overtakes this and the underlying insecurity may never be known to others.

Aries in a Nutshell:

Aries is the first of the zodiac signs. Aries is the sign of the self, people born under this sign strongly project their personalities onto others and can be very self-oriented. Aries tend to venture out into the world and leave impressions on others that they are exciting, vibrant and talkative. Aries tend to live adventurous lives and like to be the center of attention, but rightly so since they are natural, confident leaders. Aries are enthusiastic about their goals and enjoy the thrill of the hunt, "wanting is always better then getting" is a good way to sum it up. Aries are very impulsive and usually do not think before they act - or speak. Too often Aries will say whatever pops into their head and usually end up regretting it later!

Aries Love, Sex and Relationships

What it's like to date an Aries Woman:

Dating an Aries never lacks excitement. She is hot-blooded, and forceful, so you had better be able to handle the heat! The Aries woman is for the person who likes an independent self-driven woman who can fend for herself and is not clingy and needy. An Aries woman requires freedom. For the Aries woman, the best part of the relationship is the beginning, then the spark is there and she is trying to catch you to be hers. She will find happiness in a long-term relationship because she enjoys sharing everything with her partner. She will not only have a romantic partner but a best friend too. She has a great need for love and passion but she will never let a man become the master, she considers her partner to be equal. Aries women are not for domineering men. She will be faithful but she expects the same in return. She can be jealous because she wants a man to give her all of his attention, "all or nothing", so her jealously is rooted in her possessiveness, she has to be number one in his eyes. She will always encourage and give strength to her partner so an Aries woman is great to have in times of despair or need, she will always be there for you. In order to have this happy ending, she needs to feel appreciated and loved.

Ze Link:
http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/

Trouble & Fun

2009-06-09T09:57:00.002-05:00

I love how sometimes you just feel like being trouble. This morning i felt good and i mentioned how i want to get into trouble & then Ms. RG said she felt mischievous, i think that's funny. I mean sometimes its good to be troublesome and mischievous. Everyone likes a little of both.

So my friend and i were talking & i call him Trouble, cause that's what he is. But good trouble, and he said i was his trouble but i convinced him I'm just fun, but bad fun. So i started thinking this cant be good, cause when you mix trouble & fun its hard to stop. I thought that was pretty funny, and at first i was worried but now I'm looking forward to a little more of both. Needless to say so far so good on the friend thing.

I hope everyone gets into a bit of trouble today or this week, and most importantly i hope its fun. Things really are looking up. :)

New Friends

2009-06-07T14:00:00.003-05:00

So my new friend and i have been hanging out kind of a lot. Things are going very good, we are just friends but i have fun hanging out with him. He is really cool. Its hard to find someone to click with and be able to talk to. I kinda feel really lucky cause right now I'm going through like changes with the friends around me but I've been really fortunate to have new friends to fill that void. And I'm really hoping these new friends of mine will be around for a long time to come.

First and foremost my Twitter family rocks. Like its weird/funny to find people that you can talk to for hours almost on a daily basis and it all started because of the Spurs, i think that is truly are strongest bond, aww the Spurs brought us together. And i know I'm not close with all of the chatters the same and i see stronger bonds between others but i just cant get over how cool that is. It sounds cheesy but it really is something special and it makes me happy to be even a little part of that. Cause we can talk about the corniest stuff, i cant count how many inside jokes i know go on between everyone and then if you really are having a tough time everyone is there to listen/read and just offer kind and loving words & support. Especially lately i feel like I'm complaining all the time but no one is like "shut up already MG!" lol And I'm really starting to get better and feel better so i do hope to be more positive and happy from now on.

My other friend who I've know like 2 or 3 weeks started the same. That lovely basketball bond, altho he is a Rockets fan he has love for the Spurs so that's a good start. And anyways if he gets out of line talking about my 'old' spurs i always throw out that "who has gotten 4 rings in the past 10 years & who cant get out of the 1st round?" so that always works. but its nice to meet new people. I know i worried a lot about making friends when i moved to San Antonio and then again when i moved back to Houston but someone is watching out and bringing beautiful and smart and generally just awesome people into my life and i couldn't be more grateful!

I just wanted to say how much i appreciate you, yes you reading this and all the other new people in my life who have been an infinite beacon of support. Much love!

Big Hugs!
~MrsGino/MG/Jelly/Angelica/Me
:)

Temper Temper

2009-06-05T10:36:00.003-05:00

Last night on chat i asked my fellow chatters: Can people control their emotions or do emotions control people?

This is something i think about alot because well i have a horrible temper, yet with all my other emotions i try to keep them in check. I think, for instance that if i choose not to "like" a person, regardless of my attraction or draw towards them that i can control that feeling. Others think I'm full of shit.

But Rita pointed out that, especially with anger, we are able to keep that emotion in check. Sometimes, like with bosses, we want to hit them for something but we are able to control it and put a smile on our face. Yet PJ mentioned that even tho you have a smile on your face doesn't mean that you're fooling your feelings deep down inside. So all of these things made me think.

I like to think i control my emotions. i don't like to think something like anger, love, sadness can control me. But maybe my fellow friends are right maybe we cant control how we feel, on the outside yes but on the inside is a different story. So why then is it that i can control my emotions except anger.

When i get mad, i get MAD! I hardly ever forgive and i don't forget, i use words to hurt whoever has made me mad and i hold a grudge like its no one's business. And im terribly irrational when angry, which i know isnt good but hey thats me. So if this one emotion can get the best of me perhaps they all can, given the right circumstance. Or maybe i just channel all my feelings into anger.

Who knows, i know this is random but its just something i was thinking about, you probably already realize I'm really random with stuff. lol

FYI

2009-06-04T08:09:00.001-05:00

Apparently, like i mentioned on Twitter someone is offended by what i wrote on my blog. Probably one of my "friends" like the ones that i see in person. So i went ahead and put my page private so only you guys can read it. Well i hope you can still read it since you are subscribed. Not sure about that now. But either way. People can go to hell. Just wanted to let y'all know whats up.

Update:
Its been like an hour since i wrote this and i decided well if people don't like what they read they shouldn't read it. don't send anonymous messages talking about "if you don't want ppl to know your business then don't blog about it." well duh. but a blog, for me, is to say whats on my mind and to express my thoughts views and opinions and if ppl don't like it they don't have to read it. I'm glad i blog i enjoy it and I'm sorry that someone feels the need to state the obvious.

Have a lovely day!

Breaking Point

2009-06-03T07:39:00.002-05:00

* WARNING: Foul Language can be found in this Blog*

My best friend and I are at a point where I don't know what the fuck. I try not to curse because as Rita says people only use it when they cant think of better words to use. But at this point like i said i don't know what the fuck to do.

She calls me yesterday (her name is Lily) we are talking casually and then she goes into the whole thing how I'm not trying hard enough and that i act like i don't want to be her friend. When she first moved back to town we had plans for that wedding, you remember? i believe i spoke about it, she sold me out. it took a few days but i got over it and invited her to do stuff with me a couple of times and she always had plans, like 3 times it happened. So i waited a while and then she invited me to do stuff and i don't like to do those things, like going out to clubs or hanging with our other friend's (other friend is Mary) friends (i know that's confusing) anywho. I am who i am, i haven't changed in the 10 years and now all of a sudden Lily tells me that it cant always be me & her hanging out i have to go out with other people. my initial reaction was fuck you. i don't HAVE to do anything. i didn't say that of course but why should i change the way i am, and why all of a sudden does this bother her. She is living with my Mary now & me and Mary use to go out (before she got a boyfriend) every Wednesday to my favorite bar for $1 beer night. (this is the infamous spot that landed me my legal trouble, haha) Those nights i use to spend the night and her mom works nights so it was just me and her and i would get up at 6am for work. No big deal. Well Lily brings this up, 3 huge things about this, 1st i don't like to go out on weekdays cause i drag on Thursdays and they stay out late & don't have jobs to get up to early like me, they also don't like to go to my bar and that's the only place i like to go, its my spot 2nd before it was just Mary & her mom, since then Mary's boyfriend moved in, Lily moved in & another of their sorority sisters moved in. From Mary living practically alone there are now 5 ppl living there. i don't feel right staying the night with that many ppl getting up and disturbing everyone to get ready for work. 3rd and most importantly, i just got arrested & spent the night in jail for a DWI, i don't really want to go out and party all night right now, sorry if that's wrong but i don't think it is.

Last week she invites me over on Wednesday, the 1st day of layoffs at my job. she calls me at 4pm as soon as i get off of work and of course I'm having a pretty messed up week so I'm like sure ill go by. i get there and shes kinda down, she hasn't found a job yet, shes in her pjs at 4pm, she wants me to write a cover letter for her, she wants to talk about my jail experience, she wants to lecture me on this guy (this guy is the reason i say I'm going to hell, its a long awkward story, for another blog on another day) she literally spends the whole time bitching at me for that. telling me I'm wrong and all this. needless to say the visit was fucked up. i was ready to go home like 10minutes after i got there. why the hell would i want to spend time with someone who is making me feel more fucked up than i already do about my current situation. its so stupid. i tell Lily this and she says that makes her feel like she needs to be a certain way and cant be down. its not that at all, I've had to listen to a lot of bitching because of that asshole guy and i dealt with it. at one pt yes i told her i didn't want to hear about it, after months of listening to it because i don't want to listen to my best friend hurt herself, because i stopped blaming the guy it was her won fault after 6 months. i don't mind listening but i stopped feeling sorry for her a long time ago. so this day i really needed her to be my best friend and joke & laugh with me and just help me relieve some stress and calm my jumpy nerves and i get lectured. WTF!?!? ill pass i don't need that, my parents didn't even do that shit to me. so i just left. i didn't want to deal with this now. i think that should be understandable in my present situation.

So then she tells me that she thinks i want this friendship to end. but if your the once calling something like that out then maybe its you who doesn't want the friendship. i don't think friendships should require effort. in a sense yeah they should as far as time being spent, but when it starts turning into a "we need to talk" type situation it means maybe its not working. i don't think i should be having to deal with this now. I'm finally calming down and not being so stressed about my situation and she puts this stuff on my plate. i think its messed up as far she goes.

so like i said, i don't know what the fuck to do. my attitude right now its like fuck-it-all! thanks you guys for listening to me complain again. y'all really have made me feel so much better about everything that I'm going thru and about my messed up friendships that I'm dealing with. honestly had i not had y'all around. id be fucked.

love you guys!!

Amen Sister

2009-05-28T13:50:00.002-05:00

I hear people always say i have the best sister ever. And literally i do. My sister and i, since we were little have never been close. not like other siblings. we have mad love for each other but its always been hard to be around each other for too long. I get mad at her cause i think she isnt doing the "big sister things" but in the end where it counts she is the best.

As yall know i got myself into a bind. A big bind, huge! Im losing weight & sleep over this. But my sister stepped up in everyway i could ask for. She took matters in to her own hands and altho im stil a bit stressed and worried she told me last night something i will never forget and something thats eased my heart. "dont worry, let me handle this, i will take care of it, i promise"

She knew she wanted to be in law enforcement since forever and now that she works at the court house she always told me dont ever call if you get in "trouble" dont call me. and ooo i tell you i didnt want to but i had to, i didnt want anyone to think i was in a ditch dead somewhere. in a matter of hours it was handled and shes still taking care of it now. i know shell see me all the way thru. she loves me. and because of her support, even tho she didnt have to, and im not entirely sure i would have

I HAVE THE BEST SISTER EVER!!

Vague

2009-05-25T17:58:00.003-05:00

I guess we all do this. Ive never done this. I'm going to be very vague because i don't want to even say out loud what I'm really thinking/doing cause it makes it true on my behalf and cause i don't want anyone to think less of me although at this point i couldn't think less of myself.

Have you ever done something wrong, knew it was wrong and couldn't stop yourself. Or after the event you could have taken the precautions to make sure you didn't keep doing the wrong but you didn't. You kept making the same bad decision.

I did something wrong, i think god punished me but i wouldn't change it. I know its wrong still and I'm still doing it. I have the opportunity to change it now but I'm not going to. I feel so strongly about this that even tho i know its totally wrong, and there is no justification to make it right I'm still going to do it. I'm fucked up.

I'm mad at myself cause i know what I'm doing. I'm pissed off cause i know I'm not going to stop. I disappointed cause I'm not the person i thought i was. I'm crying because i don't care about any of this. I'm jealous cause i wasn't first. I'm worried cause it wont end well. I'm sad cause I'm being judged, altho they have every right to judge me.

I don't understand, I've always been very careful to protect myself from this bullshit. Ive always looked at those people, the ones doing the exact thing i am, as the worst of the worst. Now I'm one. I know i should stop but I'm not going to, there has to be something wrong with me.

I know this is totally vague and you got nothing out of it but i had to write it down, i had to see if reading it this way would make me change my mind, to see if i could step up and be the person i want to be. I didn't work.

My Hair

2009-05-22T11:07:00.003-05:00

I hope this doesn't seem vain or conceited but i feel like i can talk about anything here. I love my hair. I think i just have this beautiful head of hair, well when its straight. Let me explain.

Ive always had super duper curly hair and i like it but its so out of control, even with maximum amount of mouse, hairspray, gel, you name it, it'll frizz and just blow up! My grandma, from the side of the family that i get this hair from, not the one i got the tattoo for, was always talking mess to me when i was little. She always said i didn't comb it or make a big deal. She always made me feel ashamed of it and self conscious. In fact even now she says things.

See i used to be very athletic in high school even freshman year of college. But in the past 2 years i gained weight. I'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes. I think I'm pretty and I'm not ashamed but sometimes i feel weird about it. I never like to go see my grandma cause she will tell us all that we are fat. Well my cousins are also "healthy" as i like to say and they spend a lot of time around her so they throw her crazy and it doesn't seem to phase them but me and my sister just try not to visit. See the grandma we grew up around always tells us she loves us and that we are beautiful and she is always an encouraging and positive woman. I have never in my life felt belittled by her. So being around negative grandma is hard for me.

So my attachment to my hair is something weird. Its long, like a hand above my bum. And when i finally learned to straighten it, like senior year of high school I've always loved it. But i keep it in a bun most of the time cause I'm not sitting there for 2 hours straightening it daily or even every other day. I feel pretty when i have it done. The first time negative grandma saw it she told me how beautiful i was and i was floored, even my other cousins were like WTF? I think part of that is why i like it so much too.

I remember when Mike and i were together, even now, he just loves it long and straight. In fact he was the main reason i let it grow so long. I made the decision after high school i wouldn't die it again and its something i knew he didn't like either. Funny story, when we went to the Spurs game i had it down and had a little purple hair clip, like fake purple hair extension in it and i showed him, he looked mortified. he didn't want to tell me that he didn't like it but he didn't know what to say he thought it was real. So i asked him you don't like it do you and he just looked down and was like no, i said good, its not real and he looked so relieved, anyway off the subject.

My hair has become something for me like a... i don't even know what. Something I'm attached to that makes me feel pretty when I'm not feeling pretty about myself. Does that make any sense. Probably not. I have a feeling you my friends will understand on some level. Then today i wear it down and at work a bunch of ladies were like you have such pretty hair and they were looking at me and i was totally embarrassed to have these women staring at me and my hair. Part of me thought i was going to get ojo. lol. if your Mexican you know what I'm talking about. the "evil eye" I'm really shy until i get to know people and i don't like attention on me so it was awkward. So now I'm thinking do i really like the hair, well yes of course i do i just wrote a blog about it. lol

Reading Makes You Think

2009-05-21T14:45:00.002-05:00

So i was reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Lena said something that I've been thinking about for some time now. She said there are people who fall in love lots of times and then there are some people who only fall in love once.

I started thinking about this because well it seems like I've only been in relationships. Like long term. I had a high school boyfriend we were together for 5 years. at the time i thought i was super deep in love with him but by the end of senior year i realized that i wanted to be single. And looking back now i don't think i was ever really in love with him like seriously. I grew to love him but not be in love with him.

And then well there is Mike. Ive slowly fallen out of love with him but ill always love him too. Looking back on that relationship i know it was real. So i joke around a lot about being in love. I'm always saying i just fell in love with the latest hot guy (Right now Spock aka Zachary Quinto). Of course you all know i love Manu.

So now I'm wondering will i fall in love again? Do i even want to fall in love again? I'm at a part of my life where i love being single maybe cause I've really only gone out with 2 guys. Sure i had a couple of "things" in between but i spent 5 years with one & 3 1/2 years with the other. So in total I've spent almost 9 years in a relationship. I love being single, i remember Rita, Rose and i had this conversation once & they seemed to agree about enjoying single life.

But what if Lena was right what if you only fall in love once. What happens when you meet someone new. I want to be able to fall in love like 10 times. I don't want to think you just fall in love once. But I've asked this question, love or happiness of course i choose happiness. Love to me is a foreign concept only because the examples of love i have seen don't make me believe in it. I don't believe in being hurt over someone you love. I don't allow myself to hurt. Well i do my best.

Just some, as Rattlergrl would say, "Random Thoughts"!

Best Friend?

2009-05-20T09:20:00.003-05:00

Okay so for my devoted blog readers this is just going to be me bitching about my best friend some more. So feel free to pass it by if you are done hearing my whining i know it can get annoying but i gotta get it out. Your past blogs have kinda told me that i need to let stuff that's bothering me out so that's what I'm doing.

I was on chat last Friday with most of you when she came over. It was a spur of the moment drop by visit. No problem i was like well maybe we can chat i can FINALLY tell her I'm not moving in with her and maybe get our relationship on track. Yeah no that didn't happen.

She got there when we were about to eat so she had dinner with me and my parents. When we went to my little room i got on chat to say bye and that id be back later. So, i already told y'all this, she was all like, wow your "one of those people" who chats all the time. (she had a mark moment apparently) Then she tells me, i used to do that in high school. I told her yeah and i explained how awesome all my chat friends were and how we all like to chat all the time and how we have a lot in common. I didn't really feel the need to defend my chatting but i felt the need to defend my Spurs friends. Cause it felt like she was insulting us all & that really pissed me off.

So we are talking more and I'm trying to lead into the whole 'I'm not going to move in with you' conversation. I tell her i want to go back to school full time. And her response "what for" I'm like okay rude but i answer "to finish" and then shes like "finish what" at this point I'm seeing red and trying to keep my cool. I've never felt that she felt she was better than me but at this point i felt that way. I could have finished school in 4 years had i really wanted to but i wasn't going to be like her. She ended up getting a degree in something she didn't really want because she didn't get into the program she wanted. I want to be sure what i want to do before i finish school i want to have a degree ill use.

So needless to say I've distanced myself from her. i haven't talked to her since that day. I'm really upset its making me mad even blogging about it now but i do feel some relief getting it out. I just don't even want to try with her. Where is my best friend? Who has her? Why did they take her? What the hell am i supposed to do with this crazy lady whose replaced her?

I'm just mad about the whole thing, before i was sad and felt helpless I'm past that now. Now i know its not me. Its her. I tell Mike (BTW he is that one & only person i trust) and he tells me to leave her alone when shes ready to be my friend again she will be. But also he tells me not to go and like confront her cause that could damage our friendship permanently. I think hes right.

For those of you who made it this far thanks!

Ghetto

2009-05-15T10:12:00.005-05:00

Okay you know what this is gonna be about. Ill try to keep it quick but i feel the need to voice my opinion clearly.

During that whole "drama" on chat last night i was a bit offended and also completely misunderstood. Mark said that "people like u" (referring to me i think) are the reason others get a bad reputation or whatever. This is wrong in so many ways.

I'm sure Eminem grew up in the ghetto and had a tough life and in no way was anything i was saying referring to Eminem's life. i was strictly talking about his music. i don't know Eminem like that, so how can i even begin to talk about what hes been thru. My whole point was that his music does not always reflect his "pain" and to me that is what rap should be about.

Some people call me ghetto cause i love rap. But its the same as any music, the artists is trying to tell their story and its a different way to be told but i think it cuts deeper cause some of these people have not just had broken hearts but tough lives. when someone is a good rapper they aren't just selling records but telling their story.

So they topic was ghetto, altho i know ghetto more refers to a place than a person i use that term all the time to describe people. some people have a ghetto appearance, now that doesn't make them a bad person, i never said that, like i said because some people refer to me as ghetto i don't get offended by this term and ill call people ghetto too sometimes in a negative way sometimes positive. Its all peoples interpretation.

So don't be hypocritical and say I'm the one judging someone, when you turn around and tell me i don't understand because i cant relate. You don't know what I've been through and you surely don't know my life.

My problem with the entire conversation is that were different, so in the words of TI:

"In order to understand my train of thoughts
You'll have to put yourself in my position
You can't expect me to think like you cause my life ain't like yours
You know what I'm saying?
If you don't understand that you don't understand English
I'm done talking! "

That's all I'm saying i made my peace and i hope that it makes sense and clears up any confusion on what was said via Spurs Fan Chat last night. Thanks!

Don't Tell Manu

2009-05-14T09:37:00.004-05:00

Well lets see. There's this guy. And I'm kinda worried about the situation. Hmm, where to start. At the beginning i guess.

When i first started working here i thought oh he's cute. But I'm like no point in doing that. Its not good to get involved with people you work with. Now we've kinda gotten to know each other and i guess in a way i like him, but there are several problems why i wouldn't talk to him like that (as in more than a friend). Hes around 8 years older than me, he has a 3 year old kid, he works with me (of course) and worst of all the reason i wouldn't think twice about talking to him as more than just friends is cause, promise you wont tell Manu cause i feel like I'm cheating on him by even thinking this guy is cute!! *leans in and whispers very quietly* he's a Lakers fan. Ugh i feel wrong even saying it. lol. So needless to say that's not my problem.

We 'fight' alot. Like he likes to joke around and talk mess especially about my Spurs & i return the favor. So we have a rivalry of sorts.We email each other with random stuff and we sometimes sit together at lunch, with other people so its not like its just us two. When i lost my grandfather last year he was very sympathetic and kind and offered very kind words and just his friendship. When i was scared of losing my job last month i told him what happened and again he just was the sweet guy he is and told me about some places to apply and that i would be okay. So i guess in a way hes kinda warmed my heart. Not a best friend or anything but just someone who is caring and nice. I wouldn't really say we were friends cause its not like we hang out outside of work, just a coworker friendship i guess, okay now I'm going on and on about our relationship, just want you to get the general idea.

So I'm at my desk last week and he is messing with me as usual and a co worker of mine tells me, "he's sweet on you" I'm like "who, him? nah we just play around a lot." she kinda rolled her eyes like "sure." i didn't think too much of it and then a good friend coworker of mine and i were at lunch and i mentioned it to her and she told me "oh yeah, i think so too"so I'm like "why do you think that?" Apparently she sees our playfulness as flirting, which i can understand but its not like that. So then yesterday I'm in the break room and I'm texting Mike, my bff another coworker asks "so are you texting him?" And i jokingly say "i don't have anything to say to that boy" lol just being funny and the said co worker laughs. So then I'm thinking, i don't even have his number, why would someone think we were close like that. So 3 people in my office kinda see something between us.

So this is freaking me out. Cause nothing is going on. I'm not going to lie cause i don't lie to you guys n gals but if he tried to "talk" to me i don't think I'd say no. Does that make sense? id go for it. But the point is that nothing is going on. We aren't talking or texting. We email and talk at work, that's all. So I'm kinda upset that a few think that there is something more. Now I'm starting to think what if there are other people who think that too? Maybe I'm overreacting but i just don't like people to get the wrong impression of me.

Even yesterday i explained this to my sister and she was like, i think you kinda like him. And shes thinks he likes me too cause like she said its like elementary when they give you a hard time and pull your hair and by teasing you about the spurs he's doing the grown up version of that. I really don't think he likes me cause well i just don't. i think he would have said so had he, he seems like "that" type of guy. So now I'm reading this and I'm thinking wow this sounds so horribly elementary. lol. But i guess its just something that is bothering me now. And i cant exactly tell everyone, "HEY NOTHING IS GOING ON" cause that would make it seem that there is lol. I guess I'm just using this to bitch about an awkward situation for me. Thanks for hearing/reading me out.

The Wrong Teams Are Winning

2009-05-13T07:45:00.006-05:00

Wow. I didn't see but the first like 5 minutes of that game before i fell asleep. But it was not pretty at all. 40 points? Really. Wow. This series is getting really weird now that i think of it. First the Rockets won the 1st game in LA, totally unexpected. So everyone jumped on the bandwagon. And surprisingly they are totally capable of winning this series. Then the Lakers take 2 one at home & one in Houston. Then after Yao leaves the Rockets win here, and blow out the Lakers. Now the tables have completely turned. Wowza. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out.

Dallas, well they were SUPPOSED to be swept, according to my last blog. lol. that was just disappointing cause well i just don't like Dallas. After all that controversy i really wanted them to lose game four but that didn't happen. I'm sure the Nuggets will wrap it up today but still. It would have been sweet.

I'm totally rooting for Superman & Co. I don't want Boston to win. I don't know why but i just don't care for that team this year. Either way the Cavs will probably come out on top but still its be nice if Magic won the Eastern Conference.

And well I cant say anything about the Cavs...lol. Poor Atlanta. I wish they would have gotten one tho.

So far great playoffs. A little dirty, plenty of drama, but i must ask : Where will amazing happen?

Get Your Brooms Ready

2009-05-11T09:11:00.003-05:00

After a disappointing early end to the Spurs season, nothing seems nicer than seeing the Dallas Mavericks season end in a SWEEP! lol I saw that "controversial" play, and it happens. But at the same time i don't think Dallas can be that upset. I mean you wouldn't be down by 2 games already had you been the "better" team. Last year we experienced that with the Lakers. A foul wasn't called and the game was lost. So that just means what, play harder. But i am looking forward to watching that game tonight. I hope the Nuggets pull it off, it'd be nice.

I haven't been following the Cavaliers too much, partially because i think we'll see them in the finals regardless and the other part is because i don't know if i like them yet. I'm on the fence about Lebron James. The Eastern Conference finals i will watch and i guess ill make my decision at that point. I'm sure they'll sweep Atlanta like they did Detroit.

I'm hoping that Orlando takes Boston, however that has been an interesting series like with the Lakers & Rockets. Well with the head slap to start things off. lol. So far altho our Spurs didn't make it the other teams seem to be putting on a show for us who are still having withdrawals.

Basketball, where would we be without it.

Beaumont

2009-05-10T18:05:00.002-05:00

This will be pretty short. As I'm sure you know i was pretty freaking pissed about my whole best friends situation. So when i was getting ready i was kind of down. But i just dismissed it. Mike told me, go have fun with your family and don't let her ruin the weekend. So i did my best.

First thing i went shopping on Saturday and got 2 pairs of shoes for $100 i was super excited and they are super fabulous so that started off good. 1 pair i had been wanting for a while some gorgeous purple ones, and at 40% off i couldn't resist, then the black ones caught my eye so i just had to. like my mom said i hadn't treated myself in a while and its not like I'm saving money to move out so i can dip in the piggy bank just a tad for something nice.

then the wedding was absolutely great. i got to meet cousins and uncles and aunts and just family that i didn't know. i felt so comfortable it was really nice. i got a little bit drunk but that's okay too nothing bad or embarrassing. i was listening to stories of them and just the gossip about people i didn't really know and just laughing and enjoying the night. I've always felt i fit in with my moms side of the family. we are all pretty close, but when it came to my dads i never found my place. i never felt like i was one of them. I even wondered how my dad came from them. But then i found where i fit. His moms side of the family. They were even telling me i was one of them, a Garcia. And that felt nice. To know where i came from but at the same time to feel like i belong there with them.

so i guess she wasn't supposed to go. it was supposed to be me with my family. In the end I'm over it. I'm glad she didn't go, I'm upset still, in a way, that she is being a bad friend. but I'm happy that she wasn't there cause thinking back, what if she decided to be moody and just ruined the whole experience. I guess somethings do happen for a reason.

thank you guys for being there to listen to me complain and to offer good advice as well as just agreeing with me. you rock and make this awkward time in my friendship, that has been so solid for 10+ years now, somehow bearable. Thanks!

The Friend

2009-05-08T11:13:00.004-05:00

Well well. Okay here goes nothing. This ain't about what it should be. lol. I realized today, perhaps by myself, or with the help of somethings, that I'm over him. This was a long journey for me.

Michael was my best friend when i first moved to San Antonio. We worked together and spent everyday together after work & sometimes before. Even the days i was off he pretty much knew what time id get off and be there and the door would be open. i didn't really realize i liked him at first, but now looking back it was so obvious, i would rush home change and rush to his apt, which was only like 3 minutes from mine. Id hang with him, watch pointless TV, like Cheaters, stoner movies, like Harold & Kumar or just talk and listen to music. Then i would wake up at 4 or 5 and go home. We always fell asleep on the same bed in opposite directions tho. It was funny actually. I wont go into much more but after a long time of this routine love blossomed. We were in love before either one of us really knew what happened. Eventually i left SA and it ended there. Mike still remains my best friend. He always will be, i can tell him anything, i do mean anything. From my fears to my weird quirks to even stuff that i don't want to admit to myself. He judges me, but he does so appropriately. If he thinks its stupid he'll tell me. If his mind is completely blown by something he'll say so. I love our friendship. And altho part of me wished for a really long time, and maybe still even a little bit now, that we would be together forever, i know that our relationship now is good & the best considering where we are in our lives. Maybe well end up together, maybe well just be best friends.

Mike is my true love, my soul mate of sorts. He's literally my other half, but i think differently than most. I know i can survive alone. I have no problem being single. If i feel the need to cry, i do it alone. I don't put my sh!t out there, i know that was a real ghetto phrase but that's the best way to explain it. When we broke up i didn't make a big deal with friends or family, it was just a simple "we aren't together anymore, but were still friends" insert eye roll here. but with us its true i know if we got back together 1 million times & broke up a million times we would still be friends. We wouldn't do anything to change that friendship, not even if we wanted to.

So now i guess i realize that I'm over him. Over the hope for a rekindled romance. I'm so happy with what we have, why am i making myself upset over something i don't need from him. I don't like to say "over" it cause its not technically correct. But i guess that makes the most sense.

Today for the first time i checked out a guy. Of course everyone knows I'm marrying Zac Efron, then Joe Jonas, followed by a few others but today i actually saw this guy and got a little flutter. When he turned around and told me to "have a good day" i thought well now i will. lol. of course this doesn't mean I'm getting married or Ill probably never see him again but i will definitely starting my moving on. I'm not looking for love now, that's not the point, the point is ill be ready if the opportunity every presents itself.

For The Love Of...

2009-05-07T13:29:00.005-05:00

As a Spurs fan, i consider myself unbaised in this series between Houston & Los Angeles. Most Spurs fans would tell you, "I want the Lakers to lose, period." I however am not one of these people. I dislike both teams, okay I don't like the Lakers more but still im in Houston and I have to hear a lot of shit from Rockets fans about my Spurs so they are a very close 2nd. But either way I could care less who wins. That was until after last night.

You know what im talking about. I watched the 1st half, good game, not too eventful Lakers leading, the Rockets managed to even it up by half time. Of course i heard the whistle every ten seconds thanks to our "favorite" ref Mr. Joey Crawford himself. But i dozed off, decided Lakers probably had this one. No biggie. Got up around 3 to pee, i know TMI, lol, went ahead n checked the score on my phone. Lakers won, cool series tied.

Then the DRAMA happened.

Im driving to work and hear that it was a bad night for the Rockets, ok, of course they lost no big deal. Sometimes you lose. I hear Artest was ejected, sucks, but from what i hear he's a hot head. Again no big deal. I get to work i see @JWinfrmSA says something about 2 ejections & 5 technicals!! Im like WTF!! So i ask a guy who else got ejected? Derek Fisher, oh ok. So im thinking well they probably got into a scuffle and were both ejected same time. Boy was i wrong, before starting work i do what must be done first. Log on to NBA.com and watch the highlights. lol

That was bullshit, excuse my language but it was. First that cocky mf-er Kobe was acting, well like Kobe. Big reason i dont like Kobe, and several other players but i wont get into that. So i cant believe Artest was thrown out and precious Kobe, totally obvious he's talking sh!t acts like he didnt do anything. BS! We saw Artest almost get whiplash from that elbow. That was one dick move on part of the officials. Someone should have reviewed that or something. That was almost as bad as when Duncan was thrown out for the infamous "laughing".

Okay so things calm down and then Derek Fisher decides, "you know what i always wanted to be in the NFL" and decides to pretty much tackle Luis Scola. Again not a Rockets fan, but that is my fictional husband's homeboy! Scola is a classy man cuz had that been me, or most other people, Fisher's little ass would have been grass! lol.

Mind you, this was just watching the highlights. I didnt see any of this live. But i was really upset. I guess this is why im a Spurs fan. Cause my guys would never behave this way. Had something like this happened i know Pop would have been tomato red with his hair flaming but the guys would be classy. As they alway are.

*Gulp* So i guess what im saying is that i support the Rockets in these series to defeat the Lakers, i might even put on a red shirt tomorrow. But trust it wont say Rockets, lol. Okay guys now dont make me put my foot in my mouth after Game 3. Good Luck & As Always:

GO SPURS GO

i did it in Red to show support for the Rockets, shh

And just because:

Advice

2009-05-06T15:30:00.004-05:00

This is not a normal blog, I'm asking for help/advice.

My best friend and I were supposed to move in together. We have been planning this for a while now. But when i talked to her recently, when she moved back to Houston from Austin. She was explaining to me that she might go to a school in Texas City and move out there. Of course she said it all depends on whether she can get in or not and a few other factors. But if im planning to move in with her i dont want to be stranded 6 months later. I dont want to move out of my parents, which they are totally cool with me staying there as long as i want, and then get stuck without a roommate. I dont want to be moving back and forth when i am secure right now. I think i should just get my own place but with the economy the way it is and my job isnt super secure at this point i dont want to make any risky moves.
So i decided that the best thing for me is to stay at home for the time being. I was thinking well that would be me selling her out but at the same time she made these decisions and plans without telling me. And i know this didnt come out of no where because she had told me about the program a while back but she never mentioned moving to Texas City. So i feel in a way that moving in with her is not a good move for me. Whatever my reasons i have decided not to move in with her officially. I dont want to move in and then move a year later. I want to stay put for a while at least. Maybe im being selfish but i need to think this way right now. Right?
So here is my dilemma i dont know how to tell her. She called me and asked when we were gonna go looking at places and i didnt know how to answer. Im at work so i didnt want to get into the whole thing here. Plus our relationship has been at its weakest point lately, weve actually gotten mad at each other and in a real argument. weve disagreed before but not like this last time where we were completely on opposite ends. and you guessed it, it was over a boy who treats her like shit. and i told her that i wasnt supporting her decision to be with this guy who is a complete asshole. anyways thats off the topic. seeing as our friendship could be at a breaking point im a little scared on how to approach this and talk to her about it. How would you do it?
She is going out of town with me & my parents to a family wedding in Beaumont. Should i tell her before we go or should i tell her when we get back. I dont want us to be wierd but i need her to be understanding. I think well lately ive put up with a lot of her bs cuz of this guy and she should be understanding but i also thing because of this guy she is more vulerable and just not herself lately. If this was 6 months ago i would have no problem telling her straight out. but now i kinda feel that guy has left a bad taste in our friendship. I JUST DONT KNOW! HELP!
anything & everything will be appreciated!!

Gay Marriage

2009-05-05T10:46:00.004-05:00

First I have a couple of confessions to make. I'm addicted to Perez Hilton.com yes i know how cheesy, but it gets me thru my work day. 2nd I'm what you can call a fag-hag, for lack of a better term. It seems that I always have one or two gay guy friends. Ever since I moved to San Antonio I attract gay guys like mosquitoes. But I love my friends no matter what. So in a way I have a little bit of insight on the subject I'm about to discuss.

Ill start with my friends since my first job as JC Penney I met Leo and we were instant friends. Practically attached at the hip. We still keep in touch but not as much now. We always had a blast together and I heard his stories of heartbreak and coming out and family etc. Its hard to see how much people can go thru just for being who they are.

I know some people believe being gay is a choice but I don't. Ur born that way. I also understand people from different religions have very strong views on the "gay marriage issue" I'm catholic and of course the catholic church is against all that. But I also believe your religion doesn't define you. I hate that people judge others based on religion. I think that is horrible. Its similar to the whole Muslim thing. I don't think everyone who practices this faith is a terrorist. I think that is very ignorant of people who think that way, but that's another day.

So of course if you even glance at Perez's page you'll see that he is an openly gay man & also that he is a strong advocate for gay marriage. As am I. There are several reasons why i feel this way.

One huge one, which is the basis for everything that i believe is that i don't ever think that the government should be able to tell me what i can & can't do, as long as I am not hurting anyone else. There should not be a law telling people what not to do. This kills me because I start getting all conspiracy theory and I think: What else will they try to keep me from doing. Okay I'm not gay and I also don't believe marriage is for me. But imagine its bizarre world, how would you feel if they told you straight marriage was illegal. Exactly.

Second marriage is not something I understand, and I won't pretend to. I've never been married and I don't plan on being married but I also believe that the love two people can have for each other whether gay or straight is something that should not be denied. I've seen people who don't like each other married. I've seen people who hurt each other physically and emotionally married. I've seen people who don't care about each other married. Why should these people be allowed to marry if they don't even love each other and yet we can deny true love from others just because they love differently than us.

I saw this video posted on Perez Hilton's site. The title was called "Don't Divorce My Dads" it literally made me cry. These couples seem so happy and in love. Something we take for granted as straight people has become a privilege for gays. Why can someone in prison get married yet lesbian woman cannot call her partner her wife, legally.

I posted a video from YouTube on here. I hope you'll have an open mind & heart when you see & read this. And if you already do, then know that your support means the world to many men and women in our country. Thanks!

Tattoo #2

2009-05-04T07:35:00.003-05:00

Well Saturday started like most days. I got up cleaned a bit and took off with my sister. She took me for lunch, Chicago's Pizza & we went to Barnes & Noble. We ran all over Houston & had a great time!
So i go home relax and then head to my best friend's new home. She just moved from Austin. I help her do some arranging and all that.
Then we go to Sherlock's with my 2 sisters. Well technically i only have one sister but the other is my cousin. But she was raised around us and we are all pretty close so i consider her my sister too.
Anyways i was telling them how i have been wanting to get a cross tattoo with my grandma's name, well our nickname for her. Honey. Long story to that but i wont get into it. So my cousin suggested getting the breast cancer ribbon around a cross with her name thru it or just the ribbon. i loved the idea of the ribbon.
So we went to price them and since we wanted to get them all with the same guy he said it would be $30 a piece. Being the broke ass i was i suggested we get it done on Wednesday. Cuz i get paid Tuesday but my oldest sister said she would pay.
And therefore we all now have the pink breast cancer ribbon with Honey written thru it. They came out very nice & didn't hurt too bad.
I know its my 2nd tattoo in less than 2 weeks & my first tattoo. but i wanted to get something for this beautiful lady that i have privilege to call grandma or Honey. She is the rock of our family and has been for a long time, seeing her sick & have to battle cancer for the 3rd time in her life (2nd time w/ breast cancer) is something that is very hard for me to watch. She takes care of everyone in a way that is hard to explain.
To me specifically she has been a mother, friend and caretaker. I can talk to her about almost anything. And she always has stories to tell. I think that if i ever lost her i would crumble to pieces. Out of all of her grand kids, 1o, i would say i am honestly the closest. She tells me things in confidence about the family and about the things she wants when she dies. Its hard to hear these things but at the same time i know that I'm going to have to be the one to be strong and grant her those wishes. She always tells me that I'm the strong one & ill do what she wants. I try to be very strong for her but it is very hard.
With this tattoo on my back its a constant reminder that if i can be half as strong as she has been for the last 70+ years i know i can accomplish anything. and i know deep inside even though i don't always show it i have her strength in me, and that is the best gift i could ask for from my grandmother. Although i know she doesn't like tattoos and i know shell end up giving me a frown i know in the end shell like it & this way ill always have her close to my heart. I'm glad it was something i could do with my sisters. I'm glad we were able to share the experience. So i just wanted to share that with y'all.

My Very First Blog

2009-05-01T14:02:00.004-05:00

Well this is gonna be short. 1st I want to say hello & i love you to all the people checking me out.

Ive decided to become a blogger. Mainly cause of my Spurs tweeple. I know I'm a loser like that but I can't explain how much these people mean to me. Its like one random day I saw the tweet from @spurs and logged on to the chat and I was hooked. Everyone is all about the Spurs & loving them. Of course these are the coolest people in the world. We became a mini-family. We all tweet each other all the time. You can always count on someone being on to talk to if your bored. Especially now that the season has ended and we are all bored. :(

But on a lighter note we are gonna come back stronger and more fierce than ever before, all we need is a little Manu-do! (yes i am shamefully reusing a joke!)

Back to business, i live in Houston but spent about 4 years out in San Antonio. It became my home, so living here in Houston is something that has become hard for me. I only moved back for personal/family related reasons, by no means do i plan to settle down here. So talking to all the Spurs people really gave me a piece of my home back. It made me feel complete again.

I'm sure some people think, "wow you're hardcore" but i see it as so much more. I see being a Spurs fan as belonging to some huge secret club. It has become part of me, like literally part of me. I recently got a pretty big Spur tattooed on my foot. Ill get to that in a minute.

So i while back i went to my 1st official Spurs game. The best time of my life. OMG seriously that was better than anything i have ever experienced. I was excited and screaming and cheering and a little drunk to be honest. They played the Houston Rockets, and yes they lost but it came down to the last 3pt attempt and Bonner missed but it was so movie like. The whole place kinda faded to a buzz and i saw it all in slow motion with my heart in my throat. It was the best. I would not trade that feeling for anything in the world.

So i have been saying for about a year now i was going to get this tattoo, its my first. I have wanted a tattoo of the spur to represent my love for the city, team & people. So i said i would do it on my 23rd birthday, about a month ago. Well i missed out cause of the partying. And then the playoffs started. They lost the first game to Dallas and that was upsetting, but then "The Tony Parker Show" came on! And i had quitely told myself if they won this game, whether they lose the series or dont win another one, which they didnt, i would just do it tomorrow. The game was on a Monday and Tuesday night i got it. I consider that a sign. Cause i was going to do it regardless i was gonna take some people and i was gonna make a big thing. But im like this is for me. I tweeted the experience. So my best friend said lets have a drink we went to get appetizers and drinks and then i told her your taking me to get a tattoo. And that was how it went. Perfect. Completely for me & my spurs. Mom was easy Dad was the hard one. My mom thought it would be smaller but thats all she said. Dad didnt believe me when i told him so then i just waited until he saw it. He thought it was a temporary one. It was funny and then he shook his head and said "i cant believe you have a spur on your foot"

Needless to say living in Houston i get hated on by Rockets fans but all i can do is smile cause honestly i really dont give a damn what they think. Anyways most of them are bandwagoners. I mean come on its the Rockets. lol. Also on teams i dont like in this order: Mavs, Lakers, Rockets. But i love the game. No matter who is playing. So i must pick a team for this season, since the Spurs wont be our champions and im really rooting for the Bulls. I would love to see Kobe, KG & James all lose to Rose. That would be great, honestly they need tone down the diva in them.

My spurs tweeps who make the day worthwhile have really been awesome and important to me. I mean come on who would go make a chatroom/website for us to have and enjoy because Spurs.com is no longer hosting one, since the season has ended? @rita202109 thats who! and its great!! now we can hold on to a piece of our little haven!!

Wow i said this would be short. Lol. Well i just wanted to share my best Spurs experiences as of lately and also to say hello & why i love my Spurs.

Mad, Huge, Love to all the Spurs fans out there, especially: @rita202109, @rattlergrl, @rose_flores, @illegalvenez, @jwinfrmsa, @rattlerguy, @bobpalsf, @spursgurl, @iamgrey, @da_ch0sen1, @beatlesnspurs, @gospurs927, @becca1984, @junebone & of course @spurs!

Peace, Love & Spurs!