Monday, May 14, 2012

Moral Dilemma

I am having the hardest time with a decision. Let me break it down.

My cousin who just graduated from college is getting married. Although i am happy for her i chose not to go to the graduation/wedding. The main reason is because of finances.  This month was very tight on all of our expenses. E has been working less hours, things are slow at the dealership & all of our bills were due at the beginning of the month. I had less than $200 left for a 15 day span, which might seem like a decent amount but lets consider i have to pay for gas, groceries, household items etc.  So i was okay here but to travel out of town would have been impossible.

I feel bad for not going to the graduation because out of the two thats what i would have rather gone to that than the wedding, i mean she worked hard for 5years to get her degree and to me thats a bigger accomplishment than getting married, although thats a joyous time in someones life thats more for the couple than for 1 person.  It just wasnt possible for us though.

Now i am debating the wedding because finances are tight still i mean its two weeks after the graduation, did i mention both of these are out of town. She chose to get married in college station rather than Houston/Dallas where her/his family is from.  I assume she did this for her friends but im not sure. Whatever the reason its not convienent.

Here is where my real issue begins, she preaches the word of God all the time. Recently her half sister (1st child of her father from a previous marriage, he is my uncle) just had a baby, brand new baby boy, do you know that niether her, her "full" sister, her father or her mother have gone to visit their grandchild/nephew.  This is her 4th child, she had 3 from a previous marriage, and then 10 days later her husband decided he was not happy and they are now going through a divorce, the baby is not even a month old.  Her world has been shaken and i think she is barely holding on, they have still not even visited her, she is struggling and had to go back to work sooner than she should becuase of all of this and they are not there at all for her.  My mom has done more for her than her own father has in all her life.

They never treated the Eldest right, when we went for family pictures that she set up, my uncle only took picutres with his 2nd family, they did not include her in their family picutre. In their house they have no pictures up of the 3 (now 4) grandkids. They never attend family dinners for her or her kids brithdays even though she invites them, and has seperate get togethers for them because she knows they do not get along with her own mother. They did not come to the hospital when her 4th was born. They did not attend her baby shower either. They now want a DNA test on her because there is another child that was given up for adoption that has come out and the father/my uncle is denying him as well.  For her 1st wedding she asked him to pay for the church ($300) but he refused, for her 2nd they almost did not attend because of the adopted child, they were almost forced by my mother. The adopted child is the Eldest's biological brother from both parents but she has no relationship with him i think she does it more not to upset them but not like they would care. They do not care about her in my opinion and that is where this has become hard for me.

The Eldest daughter and i are very close.  We get along and she has always been there for me and i will do anything i can for her but i dont understnad how ur own flesh & blood can abandon you or act like they dont care about you.  my sister and i are not perfect, we are far from it but i know if things really went down bad for me i could depend on her. she would be there to help me.

Even so when she planned her weddinig she knew her eldest sister could not go with the baby only have just been born should would not be able to travel to attend, yet her sister paid for her wedding cake and still gave for her, she does for them constantly no matter how much they are not there for her, i dont understand how she has such a big heart.

So here i am again, should I overextend our budget to attend a wedding for someone that has not been around for her own family or should stay in town and be there for my cousin who has. I dont want to go to the wedding but i think my guilt will eat me, but at the same time i am pretty sure she doesnt care if i am there or not. So that right there should tell me not to go but internally i think it bothers me.

I think my final decision is that i am not going to go.  I am not going to be there for people who are not there for those i love.  Part of me feels bad but a bigger part of me knows i cant afford to do it and i am not going to try.  My biggest accomplishment was my house, when we went to her Bridal shower she raved about wanting to come to see it and she instead went to visit friends in SA rather than come to my housewarming. 3 months later she has still not come to see it.

I just needed to work my way through this, blogging helped. I might feel a drop of guilt but as i lay out how they have treated those around them i feel like these people are not the type of people i want in my life as it is. People who dont care about others or how their actions affect others or people that are cruel.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

New Things

Life has been pretty fair to me lately however i hear life isnt fair so i know it can only go on for so long. Christmas was as enjoyable as i think it could be. Not having Honey here is definetly and adjustment. Someone who is just such a big part of all our lives is hard to be without. We notice her absence in everything we do but we try to continue as she would want us too. Not a day goes by that i dont miss her but i try the best i can. I know she did not leave us alone.

As she would say life goes on, and so it has, my 22yo cousin is planning her wedding, and quite soon after her engagement if you ask me. But to each their own, she is her own woman I more feel for my uncle who has to pay for the wedding which i know a. he cant afford & b. he is doing on his own but thats a whole nother blog.

My 14yo cousin has begun preperations on her Quinceanera which is sure to be great but another family who was not prepared for what was to come. Of course we are all helping as she is my godsister and i will do anything to make her special day happen but sometimes i have to wonder what people are thinking! How can you not be saving for your child my parents did and they did w/o a lot so we could have. But again to each his own.

My sister met "the one" on 11/10/11 it is now 01/21/12 and they have been looking for houses as well as she has a promise ring. Now she is 29 so i guess there is a time limit somewhere, perhaps and hourglass running low on sand. At least i assume thats the rush...yea ill leave that one there.

E & Me, we are doing great...we are enjoying life and each other and trying this new thing called "saving" its a little hard and we have had to vary from the lifestyle we are used to a bit but we are on our way to our goal so its paying off. :) We def have our eye on the prize so we are doing what it nescessary. Pray for us we are just waiting for some good news.

For Christmas we got iPhones :) and today we bought a (too expensive) new desktop :) but we are determined to at least jazz up the inside of the house since we will be spending a lot more time inside lol. But its all going to be paid off so we arent getting in too deep. HOpefully this means more blogging from me..perhaps a vlog now that i have this webcam thingy.

Im on my way to be debt free not like i had much but ill be glad when none of it is hanging over me. Im looking forward to just paying my monthly utlities its been my goal since september and im getting there slowly but surely. Of course the holidays were a set back but i havent quit.

My New Years Resolution, which i never usually make but its the reason i want to get debt free and a few upgrades...i want to go back to school if i can take just 1 class this year i will be satisfied i know i can do it but it just seems there is always something in the way something slowing me down so im determined to get back on track and at least put my foot in the door.

i guess this was just my mindless ramblings and updates. I have better content for my next blog but i havent decided if im brave enough to post that for the world. Maybe a night i have a few beers before i blog lol.