Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Holidays without Honey

As a holidays approach it's hard not to think of her I know the whole family misses her. Some days my mom is crying and it just breaks my heart. I want to just break down crying and talk to her but it's hard and I can't let myself because I have to be strong for the rest. It's so hard to hold back tears as I see my mom cry that's always the hardest thing to see your parents cry. It's odd how now that I've gotten older the roles seem to be reversing and I have to be the one that's strong for them like they used to do when I was little for me.

The holidays were her favorite time of year the decorating her Christmas village her nativity scene... everything reminds me of her and so many days I just want to call her and tell her about things that were doing. My family didn't want to decorate but I made an effort go over there and at least put up a tree. there's things that we must continue to do. we have to keep going even though it's hard every day. I just wish my sister would be more helpful I wish she could be as understanding as I am I wish she were the older sister and I didn't have to take on that role too.
Honestly I wish most of the family would take more pro active role it seems nobody's really trying. If i don't do it nobody does and I only do it for my mom it's funny because she used to only do it for her mom.

I guess I'll keep trying that's all I can do at least until I have kids of my own and then we'll see what happens from there. I pray my family stays together but I know it won't, there's a select few who make no effort. Those were the ones saying all the junk acting like they were there the entire time those were thru ones who always say that they're going to be there but never are.

I'll keep trying and I'll keep doing it for honey as I know that's what you would've wanted but there's only so much I can do. Its gotten to the point where my only concern is my immediate Family of course there are my cousins and those that are there for me I will always be by there side the matter what.

Family is a weird thing it's funny how one person can hold so much together but once that glue was gone everything just dissolves. Sorry for such a morbid post around holidays I guess things are just weighing on my mind I hope you will have a Merry Christmas and a very safe and happy new year!

Until next time and I'm sure that time the post be a lot better

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