Thursday, July 16, 2009

Choosing

Lately i have felt that my friends are making me choose between them and the guy I'm falling in love with. I don't know how to handle this. I don't think they mean to do it but still.

I know I'm a bit different when I'm with him. Not in a bad way but its like when we are together i only have eyes for him. We just get so entranced with one another we don't realize where the time goes or even whats going on around us. But here is the thing i realize that. I know when we are together we are like that and so i usually hang out alone with him. But if i make plans to hang with my friends i make sure I'm hanging with them. Even if he is there.

Yesterday, for the 2nd time they showed up on us. And i don't mind at all its a free country and it dollar beer night so i get it but don't come back to me and say that I'm all girly and its gross to watch. My plans were with him and not you. Now i realize that sounds super mean but i don't mean it in that sense. I just really hate to be "that girl" the one who ignores her friends for a new guy. Its not the case at all, i really think our relationship could last longer so I've made it a point to tell my bff that we need to set a night for each other every week. I'm making an effort not to shut my friends out but i don't think they are extending the same courtesy.

Last weekend really hurt me, my gbff (girl bff, Mike would be my bbff, boy bff) said lets get drunk on Saturday so i said okay and invited my new friend to drink with us. We had spent the day at the racetrack so i figured he would just stay and we would have fun together. So during the day he is telling me that he is looking forward to spending time with us and getting to know her. (i know hes the sweetest thing ever...*sigh*) So i know i mentioned this to her ahead of time and she calls me and wants to change the plans to go to her house and i tell her well ill have my friend with me and we would be more comfortable hanging out at my house. Then it gets weird all of a sudden. cause "she doesn't know if she is comfortable hanging out with US" wait what does that mean? 1st, I'm ur bff it doesn't matter who is there and 2nd if you realize, cause I've told you, this person is important to me then why aren't you making more of an effort to get to know him. Why does this have to be awkward. So after she said that i said i wasn't going to tell him not to be there after already inviting him even though he said he would go away. I wanted to be with both of them the 2 ppl i love. She broke my heart with that. Of course she text me later and said it would be fine and came and we had a good time. But the fact that she wasn't okay with it at first bothered me.

My thing is that when you are the one who is making me choose i am not going to choose you. And he feels so bad (cause as some of you know i was put into a similar predicament with Mike recently) cause he doesn't want to come in between me and my friends. But i feel my friends are tripping. Another friend has a boyfriend and he told me that he would like to go out, us with them two but I'm honestly a little scared at how that might turn out. Cause it doesn't seem to be going in my favor, i have 4bffs, so far i seem to be losing, 2 have had an issue and 1 is always neutral.

I'm in love and i cant help it. I'm freaking happy. Yes i get it, this came out of nowhere and its odd and its going fast and no one seems to get it. But it is what it is and we cant change that. I hope in time that this will all blow over. That everyone will be bffs!

Sorry just complaining again.

2 comments:

  1. I think that as long as you continue to make time for your friends, you should be ok. Friends, especially close ones, sometimes will feel threaten by someone new in your life (although they will never admit it) and hopefully in time they will learn to adjust. I really hope that things will work out with your friends and I'm glad that at least it looks like they are starting to come around. And continue to have fun and most of all be happy!

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  2. Eep! My friends did that to me too. They were happy that I was happy but would freak out and make fun of me because I was finally not all bitter and bitchy! Just..if they're real friends, they'll be ok with it once it becomes the norm if not..oh well too bad...as long as you're happy!

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