Friday, May 08, 2009

The Friend

Well well. Okay here goes nothing. This ain't about what it should be. lol. I realized today, perhaps by myself, or with the help of somethings, that I'm over him. This was a long journey for me.

Michael was my best friend when i first moved to San Antonio. We worked together and spent everyday together after work & sometimes before. Even the days i was off he pretty much knew what time id get off and be there and the door would be open. i didn't really realize i liked him at first, but now looking back it was so obvious, i would rush home change and rush to his apt, which was only like 3 minutes from mine. Id hang with him, watch pointless TV, like Cheaters, stoner movies, like Harold & Kumar or just talk and listen to music. Then i would wake up at 4 or 5 and go home. We always fell asleep on the same bed in opposite directions tho. It was funny actually. I wont go into much more but after a long time of this routine love blossomed. We were in love before either one of us really knew what happened. Eventually i left SA and it ended there. Mike still remains my best friend. He always will be, i can tell him anything, i do mean anything. From my fears to my weird quirks to even stuff that i don't want to admit to myself. He judges me, but he does so appropriately. If he thinks its stupid he'll tell me. If his mind is completely blown by something he'll say so. I love our friendship. And altho part of me wished for a really long time, and maybe still even a little bit now, that we would be together forever, i know that our relationship now is good & the best considering where we are in our lives. Maybe well end up together, maybe well just be best friends.

Mike is my true love, my soul mate of sorts. He's literally my other half, but i think differently than most. I know i can survive alone. I have no problem being single. If i feel the need to cry, i do it alone. I don't put my sh!t out there, i know that was a real ghetto phrase but that's the best way to explain it. When we broke up i didn't make a big deal with friends or family, it was just a simple "we aren't together anymore, but were still friends" insert eye roll here. but with us its true i know if we got back together 1 million times & broke up a million times we would still be friends. We wouldn't do anything to change that friendship, not even if we wanted to.

So now i guess i realize that I'm over him. Over the hope for a rekindled romance. I'm so happy with what we have, why am i making myself upset over something i don't need from him. I don't like to say "over" it cause its not technically correct. But i guess that makes the most sense.

Today for the first time i checked out a guy. Of course everyone knows I'm marrying Zac Efron, then Joe Jonas, followed by a few others but today i actually saw this guy and got a little flutter. When he turned around and told me to "have a good day" i thought well now i will. lol. of course this doesn't mean I'm getting married or Ill probably never see him again but i will definitely starting my moving on. I'm not looking for love now, that's not the point, the point is ill be ready if the opportunity every presents itself.

2 comments:

  1. I think that it is healthy and fun having a best friend of the opposite sex, at least for me it is. I know where you're coming from and am glad that you have somehow found closure, is that the right word I'm looking for? I hope you know what I mean. Anyway, keep treasuring and loving your best friend and here's to the future "flutters" that any other man may give you!! Woo-hoo!!

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  2. You're strong. That's awesome. I agree with Rattlergrl.. a bff of the opposite sex is pretty great. Here's to the many hot guys you'll be meeting and checking out!! ;-)

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