Thursday, May 28, 2009

Amen Sister

I hear people always say i have the best sister ever. And literally i do. My sister and i, since we were little have never been close. not like other siblings. we have mad love for each other but its always been hard to be around each other for too long. I get mad at her cause i think she isnt doing the "big sister things" but in the end where it counts she is the best.

As yall know i got myself into a bind. A big bind, huge! Im losing weight & sleep over this. But my sister stepped up in everyway i could ask for. She took matters in to her own hands and altho im stil a bit stressed and worried she told me last night something i will never forget and something thats eased my heart. "dont worry, let me handle this, i will take care of it, i promise"

She knew she wanted to be in law enforcement since forever and now that she works at the court house she always told me dont ever call if you get in "trouble" dont call me. and ooo i tell you i didnt want to but i had to, i didnt want anyone to think i was in a ditch dead somewhere. in a matter of hours it was handled and shes still taking care of it now. i know shell see me all the way thru. she loves me. and because of her support, even tho she didnt have to, and im not entirely sure i would have

I HAVE THE BEST SISTER EVER!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Vague

I guess we all do this. Ive never done this. I'm going to be very vague because i don't want to even say out loud what I'm really thinking/doing cause it makes it true on my behalf and cause i don't want anyone to think less of me although at this point i couldn't think less of myself.

Have you ever done something wrong, knew it was wrong and couldn't stop yourself. Or after the event you could have taken the precautions to make sure you didn't keep doing the wrong but you didn't. You kept making the same bad decision.

I did something wrong, i think god punished me but i wouldn't change it. I know its wrong still and I'm still doing it. I have the opportunity to change it now but I'm not going to. I feel so strongly about this that even tho i know its totally wrong, and there is no justification to make it right I'm still going to do it. I'm fucked up.

I'm mad at myself cause i know what I'm doing. I'm pissed off cause i know I'm not going to stop. I disappointed cause I'm not the person i thought i was. I'm crying because i don't care about any of this. I'm jealous cause i wasn't first. I'm worried cause it wont end well. I'm sad cause I'm being judged, altho they have every right to judge me.

I don't understand, I've always been very careful to protect myself from this bullshit. Ive always looked at those people, the ones doing the exact thing i am, as the worst of the worst. Now I'm one. I know i should stop but I'm not going to, there has to be something wrong with me.

I know this is totally vague and you got nothing out of it but i had to write it down, i had to see if reading it this way would make me change my mind, to see if i could step up and be the person i want to be. I didn't work.

Friday, May 22, 2009

My Hair

I hope this doesn't seem vain or conceited but i feel like i can talk about anything here. I love my hair. I think i just have this beautiful head of hair, well when its straight. Let me explain.

Ive always had super duper curly hair and i like it but its so out of control, even with maximum amount of mouse, hairspray, gel, you name it, it'll frizz and just blow up! My grandma, from the side of the family that i get this hair from, not the one i got the tattoo for, was always talking mess to me when i was little. She always said i didn't comb it or make a big deal. She always made me feel ashamed of it and self conscious. In fact even now she says things.

See i used to be very athletic in high school even freshman year of college. But in the past 2 years i gained weight. I'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes. I think I'm pretty and I'm not ashamed but sometimes i feel weird about it. I never like to go see my grandma cause she will tell us all that we are fat. Well my cousins are also "healthy" as i like to say and they spend a lot of time around her so they throw her crazy and it doesn't seem to phase them but me and my sister just try not to visit. See the grandma we grew up around always tells us she loves us and that we are beautiful and she is always an encouraging and positive woman. I have never in my life felt belittled by her. So being around negative grandma is hard for me.

So my attachment to my hair is something weird. Its long, like a hand above my bum. And when i finally learned to straighten it, like senior year of high school I've always loved it. But i keep it in a bun most of the time cause I'm not sitting there for 2 hours straightening it daily or even every other day. I feel pretty when i have it done. The first time negative grandma saw it she told me how beautiful i was and i was floored, even my other cousins were like WTF? I think part of that is why i like it so much too.

I remember when Mike and i were together, even now, he just loves it long and straight. In fact he was the main reason i let it grow so long. I made the decision after high school i wouldn't die it again and its something i knew he didn't like either. Funny story, when we went to the Spurs game i had it down and had a little purple hair clip, like fake purple hair extension in it and i showed him, he looked mortified. he didn't want to tell me that he didn't like it but he didn't know what to say he thought it was real. So i asked him you don't like it do you and he just looked down and was like no, i said good, its not real and he looked so relieved, anyway off the subject.

My hair has become something for me like a... i don't even know what. Something I'm attached to that makes me feel pretty when I'm not feeling pretty about myself. Does that make any sense. Probably not. I have a feeling you my friends will understand on some level. Then today i wear it down and at work a bunch of ladies were like you have such pretty hair and they were looking at me and i was totally embarrassed to have these women staring at me and my hair. Part of me thought i was going to get ojo. lol. if your Mexican you know what I'm talking about. the "evil eye" I'm really shy until i get to know people and i don't like attention on me so it was awkward. So now I'm thinking do i really like the hair, well yes of course i do i just wrote a blog about it. lol

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Reading Makes You Think

So i was reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Lena said something that I've been thinking about for some time now. She said there are people who fall in love lots of times and then there are some people who only fall in love once.

I started thinking about this because well it seems like I've only been in relationships. Like long term. I had a high school boyfriend we were together for 5 years. at the time i thought i was super deep in love with him but by the end of senior year i realized that i wanted to be single. And looking back now i don't think i was ever really in love with him like seriously. I grew to love him but not be in love with him.

And then well there is Mike. Ive slowly fallen out of love with him but ill always love him too. Looking back on that relationship i know it was real. So i joke around a lot about being in love. I'm always saying i just fell in love with the latest hot guy (Right now Spock aka Zachary Quinto). Of course you all know i love Manu.

So now I'm wondering will i fall in love again? Do i even want to fall in love again? I'm at a part of my life where i love being single maybe cause I've really only gone out with 2 guys. Sure i had a couple of "things" in between but i spent 5 years with one & 3 1/2 years with the other. So in total I've spent almost 9 years in a relationship. I love being single, i remember Rita, Rose and i had this conversation once & they seemed to agree about enjoying single life.

But what if Lena was right what if you only fall in love once. What happens when you meet someone new. I want to be able to fall in love like 10 times. I don't want to think you just fall in love once. But I've asked this question, love or happiness of course i choose happiness. Love to me is a foreign concept only because the examples of love i have seen don't make me believe in it. I don't believe in being hurt over someone you love. I don't allow myself to hurt. Well i do my best.

Just some, as Rattlergrl would say, "Random Thoughts"!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Best Friend?

Okay so for my devoted blog readers this is just going to be me bitching about my best friend some more. So feel free to pass it by if you are done hearing my whining i know it can get annoying but i gotta get it out. Your past blogs have kinda told me that i need to let stuff that's bothering me out so that's what I'm doing.

I was on chat last Friday with most of you when she came over. It was a spur of the moment drop by visit. No problem i was like well maybe we can chat i can FINALLY tell her I'm not moving in with her and maybe get our relationship on track. Yeah no that didn't happen.

She got there when we were about to eat so she had dinner with me and my parents. When we went to my little room i got on chat to say bye and that id be back later. So, i already told y'all this, she was all like, wow your "one of those people" who chats all the time. (she had a mark moment apparently) Then she tells me, i used to do that in high school. I told her yeah and i explained how awesome all my chat friends were and how we all like to chat all the time and how we have a lot in common. I didn't really feel the need to defend my chatting but i felt the need to defend my Spurs friends. Cause it felt like she was insulting us all & that really pissed me off.

So we are talking more and I'm trying to lead into the whole 'I'm not going to move in with you' conversation. I tell her i want to go back to school full time. And her response "what for" I'm like okay rude but i answer "to finish" and then shes like "finish what" at this point I'm seeing red and trying to keep my cool. I've never felt that she felt she was better than me but at this point i felt that way. I could have finished school in 4 years had i really wanted to but i wasn't going to be like her. She ended up getting a degree in something she didn't really want because she didn't get into the program she wanted. I want to be sure what i want to do before i finish school i want to have a degree ill use.

So needless to say I've distanced myself from her. i haven't talked to her since that day. I'm really upset its making me mad even blogging about it now but i do feel some relief getting it out. I just don't even want to try with her. Where is my best friend? Who has her? Why did they take her? What the hell am i supposed to do with this crazy lady whose replaced her?

I'm just mad about the whole thing, before i was sad and felt helpless I'm past that now. Now i know its not me. Its her. I tell Mike (BTW he is that one & only person i trust) and he tells me to leave her alone when shes ready to be my friend again she will be. But also he tells me not to go and like confront her cause that could damage our friendship permanently. I think hes right.

For those of you who made it this far thanks!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Ghetto

Okay you know what this is gonna be about. Ill try to keep it quick but i feel the need to voice my opinion clearly.

During that whole "drama" on chat last night i was a bit offended and also completely misunderstood. Mark said that "people like u" (referring to me i think) are the reason others get a bad reputation or whatever. This is wrong in so many ways.

I'm sure Eminem grew up in the ghetto and had a tough life and in no way was anything i was saying referring to Eminem's life. i was strictly talking about his music. i don't know Eminem like that, so how can i even begin to talk about what hes been thru. My whole point was that his music does not always reflect his "pain" and to me that is what rap should be about.

Some people call me ghetto cause i love rap. But its the same as any music, the artists is trying to tell their story and its a different way to be told but i think it cuts deeper cause some of these people have not just had broken hearts but tough lives. when someone is a good rapper they aren't just selling records but telling their story.

So they topic was ghetto, altho i know ghetto more refers to a place than a person i use that term all the time to describe people. some people have a ghetto appearance, now that doesn't make them a bad person, i never said that, like i said because some people refer to me as ghetto i don't get offended by this term and ill call people ghetto too sometimes in a negative way sometimes positive. Its all peoples interpretation.

So don't be hypocritical and say I'm the one judging someone, when you turn around and tell me i don't understand because i cant relate. You don't know what I've been through and you surely don't know my life.

My problem with the entire conversation is that were different, so in the words of TI:
"In order to understand my train of thoughts
You'll have to put yourself in my position
You can't expect me to think like you cause my life ain't like yours
You know what I'm saying?
If you don't understand that you don't understand English
I'm done talking! "
That's all I'm saying i made my peace and i hope that it makes sense and clears up any confusion on what was said via Spurs Fan Chat last night. Thanks!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Don't Tell Manu

Well lets see. There's this guy. And I'm kinda worried about the situation. Hmm, where to start. At the beginning i guess.

When i first started working here i thought oh he's cute. But I'm like no point in doing that. Its not good to get involved with people you work with. Now we've kinda gotten to know each other and i guess in a way i like him, but there are several problems why i wouldn't talk to him like that (as in more than a friend). Hes around 8 years older than me, he has a 3 year old kid, he works with me (of course) and worst of all the reason i wouldn't think twice about talking to him as more than just friends is cause, promise you wont tell Manu cause i feel like I'm cheating on him by even thinking this guy is cute!! *leans in and whispers very quietly* he's a Lakers fan. Ugh i feel wrong even saying it. lol. So needless to say that's not my problem.

We 'fight' alot. Like he likes to joke around and talk mess especially about my Spurs & i return the favor. So we have a rivalry of sorts.We email each other with random stuff and we sometimes sit together at lunch, with other people so its not like its just us two. When i lost my grandfather last year he was very sympathetic and kind and offered very kind words and just his friendship. When i was scared of losing my job last month i told him what happened and again he just was the sweet guy he is and told me about some places to apply and that i would be okay. So i guess in a way hes kinda warmed my heart. Not a best friend or anything but just someone who is caring and nice. I wouldn't really say we were friends cause its not like we hang out outside of work, just a coworker friendship i guess, okay now I'm going on and on about our relationship, just want you to get the general idea.

So I'm at my desk last week and he is messing with me as usual and a co worker of mine tells me, "he's sweet on you" I'm like "who, him? nah we just play around a lot." she kinda rolled her eyes like "sure." i didn't think too much of it and then a good friend coworker of mine and i were at lunch and i mentioned it to her and she told me "oh yeah, i think so too"so I'm like "why do you think that?" Apparently she sees our playfulness as flirting, which i can understand but its not like that. So then yesterday I'm in the break room and I'm texting Mike, my bff another coworker asks "so are you texting him?" And i jokingly say "i don't have anything to say to that boy" lol just being funny and the said co worker laughs. So then I'm thinking, i don't even have his number, why would someone think we were close like that. So 3 people in my office kinda see something between us.

So this is freaking me out. Cause nothing is going on. I'm not going to lie cause i don't lie to you guys n gals but if he tried to "talk" to me i don't think I'd say no. Does that make sense? id go for it. But the point is that nothing is going on. We aren't talking or texting. We email and talk at work, that's all. So I'm kinda upset that a few think that there is something more. Now I'm starting to think what if there are other people who think that too? Maybe I'm overreacting but i just don't like people to get the wrong impression of me.

Even yesterday i explained this to my sister and she was like, i think you kinda like him. And shes thinks he likes me too cause like she said its like elementary when they give you a hard time and pull your hair and by teasing you about the spurs he's doing the grown up version of that. I really don't think he likes me cause well i just don't. i think he would have said so had he, he seems like "that" type of guy. So now I'm reading this and I'm thinking wow this sounds so horribly elementary. lol. But i guess its just something that is bothering me now. And i cant exactly tell everyone, "HEY NOTHING IS GOING ON" cause that would make it seem that there is lol. I guess I'm just using this to bitch about an awkward situation for me. Thanks for hearing/reading me out.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Wrong Teams Are Winning

Wow. I didn't see but the first like 5 minutes of that game before i fell asleep. But it was not pretty at all. 40 points? Really. Wow. This series is getting really weird now that i think of it. First the Rockets won the 1st game in LA, totally unexpected. So everyone jumped on the bandwagon. And surprisingly they are totally capable of winning this series. Then the Lakers take 2 one at home & one in Houston. Then after Yao leaves the Rockets win here, and blow out the Lakers. Now the tables have completely turned. Wowza. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out.

Dallas, well they were SUPPOSED to be swept, according to my last blog. lol. that was just disappointing cause well i just don't like Dallas. After all that controversy i really wanted them to lose game four but that didn't happen. I'm sure the Nuggets will wrap it up today but still. It would have been sweet.

I'm totally rooting for Superman & Co. I don't want Boston to win. I don't know why but i just don't care for that team this year. Either way the Cavs will probably come out on top but still its be nice if Magic won the Eastern Conference.

And well I cant say anything about the Cavs...lol. Poor Atlanta. I wish they would have gotten one tho.

So far great playoffs. A little dirty, plenty of drama, but i must ask : Where will amazing happen?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Get Your Brooms Ready

After a disappointing early end to the Spurs season, nothing seems nicer than seeing the Dallas Mavericks season end in a SWEEP! lol I saw that "controversial" play, and it happens. But at the same time i don't think Dallas can be that upset. I mean you wouldn't be down by 2 games already had you been the "better" team. Last year we experienced that with the Lakers. A foul wasn't called and the game was lost. So that just means what, play harder. But i am looking forward to watching that game tonight. I hope the Nuggets pull it off, it'd be nice.

I haven't been following the Cavaliers too much, partially because i think we'll see them in the finals regardless and the other part is because i don't know if i like them yet. I'm on the fence about Lebron James. The Eastern Conference finals i will watch and i guess ill make my decision at that point. I'm sure they'll sweep Atlanta like they did Detroit.

I'm hoping that Orlando takes Boston, however that has been an interesting series like with the Lakers & Rockets. Well with the head slap to start things off. lol. So far altho our Spurs didn't make it the other teams seem to be putting on a show for us who are still having withdrawals.

Basketball, where would we be without it.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Beaumont

This will be pretty short. As I'm sure you know i was pretty freaking pissed about my whole best friends situation. So when i was getting ready i was kind of down. But i just dismissed it. Mike told me, go have fun with your family and don't let her ruin the weekend. So i did my best.

First thing i went shopping on Saturday and got 2 pairs of shoes for $100 i was super excited and they are super fabulous so that started off good. 1 pair i had been wanting for a while some gorgeous purple ones, and at 40% off i couldn't resist, then the black ones caught my eye so i just had to. like my mom said i hadn't treated myself in a while and its not like I'm saving money to move out so i can dip in the piggy bank just a tad for something nice.

then the wedding was absolutely great. i got to meet cousins and uncles and aunts and just family that i didn't know. i felt so comfortable it was really nice. i got a little bit drunk but that's okay too nothing bad or embarrassing. i was listening to stories of them and just the gossip about people i didn't really know and just laughing and enjoying the night. I've always felt i fit in with my moms side of the family. we are all pretty close, but when it came to my dads i never found my place. i never felt like i was one of them. I even wondered how my dad came from them. But then i found where i fit. His moms side of the family. They were even telling me i was one of them, a Garcia. And that felt nice. To know where i came from but at the same time to feel like i belong there with them.

so i guess she wasn't supposed to go. it was supposed to be me with my family. In the end I'm over it. I'm glad she didn't go, I'm upset still, in a way, that she is being a bad friend. but I'm happy that she wasn't there cause thinking back, what if she decided to be moody and just ruined the whole experience. I guess somethings do happen for a reason.

thank you guys for being there to listen to me complain and to offer good advice as well as just agreeing with me. you rock and make this awkward time in my friendship, that has been so solid for 10+ years now, somehow bearable. Thanks!

Friday, May 08, 2009

The Friend

Well well. Okay here goes nothing. This ain't about what it should be. lol. I realized today, perhaps by myself, or with the help of somethings, that I'm over him. This was a long journey for me.

Michael was my best friend when i first moved to San Antonio. We worked together and spent everyday together after work & sometimes before. Even the days i was off he pretty much knew what time id get off and be there and the door would be open. i didn't really realize i liked him at first, but now looking back it was so obvious, i would rush home change and rush to his apt, which was only like 3 minutes from mine. Id hang with him, watch pointless TV, like Cheaters, stoner movies, like Harold & Kumar or just talk and listen to music. Then i would wake up at 4 or 5 and go home. We always fell asleep on the same bed in opposite directions tho. It was funny actually. I wont go into much more but after a long time of this routine love blossomed. We were in love before either one of us really knew what happened. Eventually i left SA and it ended there. Mike still remains my best friend. He always will be, i can tell him anything, i do mean anything. From my fears to my weird quirks to even stuff that i don't want to admit to myself. He judges me, but he does so appropriately. If he thinks its stupid he'll tell me. If his mind is completely blown by something he'll say so. I love our friendship. And altho part of me wished for a really long time, and maybe still even a little bit now, that we would be together forever, i know that our relationship now is good & the best considering where we are in our lives. Maybe well end up together, maybe well just be best friends.

Mike is my true love, my soul mate of sorts. He's literally my other half, but i think differently than most. I know i can survive alone. I have no problem being single. If i feel the need to cry, i do it alone. I don't put my sh!t out there, i know that was a real ghetto phrase but that's the best way to explain it. When we broke up i didn't make a big deal with friends or family, it was just a simple "we aren't together anymore, but were still friends" insert eye roll here. but with us its true i know if we got back together 1 million times & broke up a million times we would still be friends. We wouldn't do anything to change that friendship, not even if we wanted to.

So now i guess i realize that I'm over him. Over the hope for a rekindled romance. I'm so happy with what we have, why am i making myself upset over something i don't need from him. I don't like to say "over" it cause its not technically correct. But i guess that makes the most sense.

Today for the first time i checked out a guy. Of course everyone knows I'm marrying Zac Efron, then Joe Jonas, followed by a few others but today i actually saw this guy and got a little flutter. When he turned around and told me to "have a good day" i thought well now i will. lol. of course this doesn't mean I'm getting married or Ill probably never see him again but i will definitely starting my moving on. I'm not looking for love now, that's not the point, the point is ill be ready if the opportunity every presents itself.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

For The Love Of...

As a Spurs fan, i consider myself unbaised in this series between Houston & Los Angeles. Most Spurs fans would tell you, "I want the Lakers to lose, period." I however am not one of these people. I dislike both teams, okay I don't like the Lakers more but still im in Houston and I have to hear a lot of shit from Rockets fans about my Spurs so they are a very close 2nd. But either way I could care less who wins. That was until after last night.

You know what im talking about. I watched the 1st half, good game, not too eventful Lakers leading, the Rockets managed to even it up by half time. Of course i heard the whistle every ten seconds thanks to our "favorite" ref Mr. Joey Crawford himself. But i dozed off, decided Lakers probably had this one. No biggie. Got up around 3 to pee, i know TMI, lol, went ahead n checked the score on my phone. Lakers won, cool series tied.

Then the DRAMA happened.

Im driving to work and hear that it was a bad night for the Rockets, ok, of course they lost no big deal. Sometimes you lose. I hear Artest was ejected, sucks, but from what i hear he's a hot head. Again no big deal. I get to work i see @JWinfrmSA says something about 2 ejections & 5 technicals!! Im like WTF!! So i ask a guy who else got ejected? Derek Fisher, oh ok. So im thinking well they probably got into a scuffle and were both ejected same time. Boy was i wrong, before starting work i do what must be done first. Log on to NBA.com and watch the highlights. lol

That was bullshit, excuse my language but it was. First that cocky mf-er Kobe was acting, well like Kobe. Big reason i dont like Kobe, and several other players but i wont get into that. So i cant believe Artest was thrown out and precious Kobe, totally obvious he's talking sh!t acts like he didnt do anything. BS! We saw Artest almost get whiplash from that elbow. That was one dick move on part of the officials. Someone should have reviewed that or something. That was almost as bad as when Duncan was thrown out for the infamous "laughing".

Okay so things calm down and then Derek Fisher decides, "you know what i always wanted to be in the NFL" and decides to pretty much tackle Luis Scola. Again not a Rockets fan, but that is my fictional husband's homeboy! Scola is a classy man cuz had that been me, or most other people, Fisher's little ass would have been grass! lol.

Mind you, this was just watching the highlights. I didnt see any of this live. But i was really upset. I guess this is why im a Spurs fan. Cause my guys would never behave this way. Had something like this happened i know Pop would have been tomato red with his hair flaming but the guys would be classy. As they alway are.

*Gulp* So i guess what im saying is that i support the Rockets in these series to defeat the Lakers, i might even put on a red shirt tomorrow. But trust it wont say Rockets, lol. Okay guys now dont make me put my foot in my mouth after Game 3. Good Luck & As Always:

GO SPURS GO
i did it in Red to show support for the Rockets, shh
And just because:

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Advice

This is not a normal blog, I'm asking for help/advice.

My best friend and I were supposed to move in together. We have been planning this for a while now. But when i talked to her recently, when she moved back to Houston from Austin. She was explaining to me that she might go to a school in Texas City and move out there. Of course she said it all depends on whether she can get in or not and a few other factors. But if im planning to move in with her i dont want to be stranded 6 months later. I dont want to move out of my parents, which they are totally cool with me staying there as long as i want, and then get stuck without a roommate. I dont want to be moving back and forth when i am secure right now. I think i should just get my own place but with the economy the way it is and my job isnt super secure at this point i dont want to make any risky moves.
So i decided that the best thing for me is to stay at home for the time being. I was thinking well that would be me selling her out but at the same time she made these decisions and plans without telling me. And i know this didnt come out of no where because she had told me about the program a while back but she never mentioned moving to Texas City. So i feel in a way that moving in with her is not a good move for me. Whatever my reasons i have decided not to move in with her officially. I dont want to move in and then move a year later. I want to stay put for a while at least. Maybe im being selfish but i need to think this way right now. Right?
So here is my dilemma i dont know how to tell her. She called me and asked when we were gonna go looking at places and i didnt know how to answer. Im at work so i didnt want to get into the whole thing here. Plus our relationship has been at its weakest point lately, weve actually gotten mad at each other and in a real argument. weve disagreed before but not like this last time where we were completely on opposite ends. and you guessed it, it was over a boy who treats her like shit. and i told her that i wasnt supporting her decision to be with this guy who is a complete asshole. anyways thats off the topic. seeing as our friendship could be at a breaking point im a little scared on how to approach this and talk to her about it. How would you do it?
She is going out of town with me & my parents to a family wedding in Beaumont. Should i tell her before we go or should i tell her when we get back. I dont want us to be wierd but i need her to be understanding. I think well lately ive put up with a lot of her bs cuz of this guy and she should be understanding but i also thing because of this guy she is more vulerable and just not herself lately. If this was 6 months ago i would have no problem telling her straight out. but now i kinda feel that guy has left a bad taste in our friendship. I JUST DONT KNOW! HELP!
anything & everything will be appreciated!!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Gay Marriage

First I have a couple of confessions to make. I'm addicted to Perez Hilton.com yes i know how cheesy, but it gets me thru my work day. 2nd I'm what you can call a fag-hag, for lack of a better term. It seems that I always have one or two gay guy friends. Ever since I moved to San Antonio I attract gay guys like mosquitoes. But I love my friends no matter what. So in a way I have a little bit of insight on the subject I'm about to discuss.

Ill start with my friends since my first job as JC Penney I met Leo and we were instant friends. Practically attached at the hip. We still keep in touch but not as much now. We always had a blast together and I heard his stories of heartbreak and coming out and family etc. Its hard to see how much people can go thru just for being who they are.

I know some people believe being gay is a choice but I don't. Ur born that way. I also understand people from different religions have very strong views on the "gay marriage issue" I'm catholic and of course the catholic church is against all that. But I also believe your religion doesn't define you. I hate that people judge others based on religion. I think that is horrible. Its similar to the whole Muslim thing. I don't think everyone who practices this faith is a terrorist. I think that is very ignorant of people who think that way, but that's another day.

So of course if you even glance at Perez's page you'll see that he is an openly gay man & also that he is a strong advocate for gay marriage. As am I. There are several reasons why i feel this way.

One huge one, which is the basis for everything that i believe is that i don't ever think that the government should be able to tell me what i can & can't do, as long as I am not hurting anyone else. There should not be a law telling people what not to do. This kills me because I start getting all conspiracy theory and I think: What else will they try to keep me from doing. Okay I'm not gay and I also don't believe marriage is for me. But imagine its bizarre world, how would you feel if they told you straight marriage was illegal. Exactly.

Second marriage is not something I understand, and I won't pretend to. I've never been married and I don't plan on being married but I also believe that the love two people can have for each other whether gay or straight is something that should not be denied. I've seen people who don't like each other married. I've seen people who hurt each other physically and emotionally married. I've seen people who don't care about each other married. Why should these people be allowed to marry if they don't even love each other and yet we can deny true love from others just because they love differently than us.

I saw this video posted on Perez Hilton's site. The title was called "Don't Divorce My Dads" it literally made me cry. These couples seem so happy and in love. Something we take for granted as straight people has become a privilege for gays. Why can someone in prison get married yet lesbian woman cannot call her partner her wife, legally.

I posted a video from YouTube on here. I hope you'll have an open mind & heart when you see & read this. And if you already do, then know that your support means the world to many men and women in our country. Thanks!

Monday, May 04, 2009

Tattoo #2

Well Saturday started like most days. I got up cleaned a bit and took off with my sister. She took me for lunch, Chicago's Pizza & we went to Barnes & Noble. We ran all over Houston & had a great time!
So i go home relax and then head to my best friend's new home. She just moved from Austin. I help her do some arranging and all that.
Then we go to Sherlock's with my 2 sisters. Well technically i only have one sister but the other is my cousin. But she was raised around us and we are all pretty close so i consider her my sister too.
Anyways i was telling them how i have been wanting to get a cross tattoo with my grandma's name, well our nickname for her. Honey. Long story to that but i wont get into it. So my cousin suggested getting the breast cancer ribbon around a cross with her name thru it or just the ribbon. i loved the idea of the ribbon.
So we went to price them and since we wanted to get them all with the same guy he said it would be $30 a piece. Being the broke ass i was i suggested we get it done on Wednesday. Cuz i get paid Tuesday but my oldest sister said she would pay.
And therefore we all now have the pink breast cancer ribbon with Honey written thru it. They came out very nice & didn't hurt too bad.
I know its my 2nd tattoo in less than 2 weeks & my first tattoo. but i wanted to get something for this beautiful lady that i have privilege to call grandma or Honey. She is the rock of our family and has been for a long time, seeing her sick & have to battle cancer for the 3rd time in her life (2nd time w/ breast cancer) is something that is very hard for me to watch. She takes care of everyone in a way that is hard to explain.
To me specifically she has been a mother, friend and caretaker. I can talk to her about almost anything. And she always has stories to tell. I think that if i ever lost her i would crumble to pieces. Out of all of her grand kids, 1o, i would say i am honestly the closest. She tells me things in confidence about the family and about the things she wants when she dies. Its hard to hear these things but at the same time i know that I'm going to have to be the one to be strong and grant her those wishes. She always tells me that I'm the strong one & ill do what she wants. I try to be very strong for her but it is very hard.
With this tattoo on my back its a constant reminder that if i can be half as strong as she has been for the last 70+ years i know i can accomplish anything. and i know deep inside even though i don't always show it i have her strength in me, and that is the best gift i could ask for from my grandmother. Although i know she doesn't like tattoos and i know shell end up giving me a frown i know in the end shell like it & this way ill always have her close to my heart. I'm glad it was something i could do with my sisters. I'm glad we were able to share the experience. So i just wanted to share that with y'all.

Friday, May 01, 2009

My Very First Blog

Well this is gonna be short. 1st I want to say hello & i love you to all the people checking me out.

Ive decided to become a blogger. Mainly cause of my Spurs tweeple. I know I'm a loser like that but I can't explain how much these people mean to me. Its like one random day I saw the tweet from @spurs and logged on to the chat and I was hooked. Everyone is all about the Spurs & loving them. Of course these are the coolest people in the world. We became a mini-family. We all tweet each other all the time. You can always count on someone being on to talk to if your bored. Especially now that the season has ended and we are all bored. :(

But on a lighter note we are gonna come back stronger and more fierce than ever before, all we need is a little Manu-do! (yes i am shamefully reusing a joke!)

Back to business, i live in Houston but spent about 4 years out in San Antonio. It became my home, so living here in Houston is something that has become hard for me. I only moved back for personal/family related reasons, by no means do i plan to settle down here. So talking to all the Spurs people really gave me a piece of my home back. It made me feel complete again.

I'm sure some people think, "wow you're hardcore" but i see it as so much more. I see being a Spurs fan as belonging to some huge secret club. It has become part of me, like literally part of me. I recently got a pretty big Spur tattooed on my foot. Ill get to that in a minute.

So i while back i went to my 1st official Spurs game. The best time of my life. OMG seriously that was better than anything i have ever experienced. I was excited and screaming and cheering and a little drunk to be honest. They played the Houston Rockets, and yes they lost but it came down to the last 3pt attempt and Bonner missed but it was so movie like. The whole place kinda faded to a buzz and i saw it all in slow motion with my heart in my throat. It was the best. I would not trade that feeling for anything in the world.

So i have been saying for about a year now i was going to get this tattoo, its my first. I have wanted a tattoo of the spur to represent my love for the city, team & people. So i said i would do it on my 23rd birthday, about a month ago. Well i missed out cause of the partying. And then the playoffs started. They lost the first game to Dallas and that was upsetting, but then "The Tony Parker Show" came on! And i had quitely told myself if they won this game, whether they lose the series or dont win another one, which they didnt, i would just do it tomorrow. The game was on a Monday and Tuesday night i got it. I consider that a sign. Cause i was going to do it regardless i was gonna take some people and i was gonna make a big thing. But im like this is for me. I tweeted the experience. So my best friend said lets have a drink we went to get appetizers and drinks and then i told her your taking me to get a tattoo. And that was how it went. Perfect. Completely for me & my spurs. Mom was easy Dad was the hard one. My mom thought it would be smaller but thats all she said. Dad didnt believe me when i told him so then i just waited until he saw it. He thought it was a temporary one. It was funny and then he shook his head and said "i cant believe you have a spur on your foot"

Needless to say living in Houston i get hated on by Rockets fans but all i can do is smile cause honestly i really dont give a damn what they think. Anyways most of them are bandwagoners. I mean come on its the Rockets. lol. Also on teams i dont like in this order: Mavs, Lakers, Rockets. But i love the game. No matter who is playing. So i must pick a team for this season, since the Spurs wont be our champions and im really rooting for the Bulls. I would love to see Kobe, KG & James all lose to Rose. That would be great, honestly they need tone down the diva in them.

My spurs tweeps who make the day worthwhile have really been awesome and important to me. I mean come on who would go make a chatroom/website for us to have and enjoy because Spurs.com is no longer hosting one, since the season has ended? @rita202109 thats who! and its great!! now we can hold on to a piece of our little haven!!

Wow i said this would be short. Lol. Well i just wanted to share my best Spurs experiences as of lately and also to say hello & why i love my Spurs.

Mad, Huge, Love to all the Spurs fans out there, especially: @rita202109, @rattlergrl, @rose_flores, @illegalvenez, @jwinfrmsa, @rattlerguy, @bobpalsf, @spursgurl, @iamgrey, @da_ch0sen1, @beatlesnspurs, @gospurs927, @becca1984, @junebone & of course @spurs!

Peace, Love & Spurs!