New Things

Life has been pretty fair to me lately however i hear life isnt fair so i know it can only go on for so long. Christmas was as enjoyable as i think it could be. Not having Honey here is definetly and adjustment. Someone who is just such a big part of all our lives is hard to be without. We notice her absence in everything we do but we try to continue as she would want us too. Not a day goes by that i dont miss her but i try the best i can. I know she did not leave us alone.

As she would say life goes on, and so it has, my 22yo cousin is planning her wedding, and quite soon after her engagement if you ask me. But to each their own, she is her own woman I more feel for my uncle who has to pay for the wedding which i know a. he cant afford & b. he is doing on his own but thats a whole nother blog.

My 14yo cousin has begun preperations on her Quinceanera which is sure to be great but another family who was not prepared for what was to come. Of course we are all helping as she is my godsister and i will do anything to make her special day happen but sometimes i have to wonder what people are thinking! How can you not be saving for your child my parents did and they did w/o a lot so we could have. But again to each his own.

My sister met "the one" on 11/10/11 it is now 01/21/12 and they have been looking for houses as well as she has a promise ring. Now she is 29 so i guess there is a time limit somewhere, perhaps and hourglass running low on sand. At least i assume thats the rush...yea ill leave that one there.

E & Me, we are doing great...we are enjoying life and each other and trying this new thing called "saving" its a little hard and we have had to vary from the lifestyle we are used to a bit but we are on our way to our goal so its paying off. :) We def have our eye on the prize so we are doing what it nescessary. Pray for us we are just waiting for some good news.

For Christmas we got iPhones :) and today we bought a (too expensive) new desktop :) but we are determined to at least jazz up the inside of the house since we will be spending a lot more time inside lol. But its all going to be paid off so we arent getting in too deep. HOpefully this means more blogging from me..perhaps a vlog now that i have this webcam thingy.

Im on my way to be debt free not like i had much but ill be glad when none of it is hanging over me. Im looking forward to just paying my monthly utlities its been my goal since september and im getting there slowly but surely. Of course the holidays were a set back but i havent quit.

My New Years Resolution, which i never usually make but its the reason i want to get debt free and a few upgrades...i want to go back to school if i can take just 1 class this year i will be satisfied i know i can do it but it just seems there is always something in the way something slowing me down so im determined to get back on track and at least put my foot in the door.

i guess this was just my mindless ramblings and updates. I have better content for my next blog but i havent decided if im brave enough to post that for the world. Maybe a night i have a few beers before i blog lol.

The Holidays without Honey

As a holidays approach it's hard not to think of her I know the whole family misses her. Some days my mom is crying and it just breaks my heart. I want to just break down crying and talk to her but it's hard and I can't let myself because I have to be strong for the rest. It's so hard to hold back tears as I see my mom cry that's always the hardest thing to see your parents cry. It's odd how now that I've gotten older the roles seem to be reversing and I have to be the one that's strong for them like they used to do when I was little for me.

The holidays were her favorite time of year the decorating her Christmas village her nativity scene... everything reminds me of her and so many days I just want to call her and tell her about things that were doing. My family didn't want to decorate but I made an effort go over there and at least put up a tree. there's things that we must continue to do. we have to keep going even though it's hard every day. I just wish my sister would be more helpful I wish she could be as understanding as I am I wish she were the older sister and I didn't have to take on that role too.
Honestly I wish most of the family would take more pro active role it seems nobody's really trying. If i don't do it nobody does and I only do it for my mom it's funny because she used to only do it for her mom.

I guess I'll keep trying that's all I can do at least until I have kids of my own and then we'll see what happens from there. I pray my family stays together but I know it won't, there's a select few who make no effort. Those were the ones saying all the junk acting like they were there the entire time those were thru ones who always say that they're going to be there but never are.

I'll keep trying and I'll keep doing it for honey as I know that's what you would've wanted but there's only so much I can do. Its gotten to the point where my only concern is my immediate Family of course there are my cousins and those that are there for me I will always be by there side the matter what.

Family is a weird thing it's funny how one person can hold so much together but once that glue was gone everything just dissolves. Sorry for such a morbid post around holidays I guess things are just weighing on my mind I hope you will have a Merry Christmas and a very safe and happy new year!

Until next time and I'm sure that time the post be a lot better

I Need My Snuggie

Never have i felt this before. I want to stop feeling this and sleep. One day at a time for now, that will be my mantra. But now more than ever i wish i could just run away. I'm good at that, leaving things behind. for now I'm tired i just want to sleep. just sleep it all away. it feels good to sleep mainly cause you don't feel anything. I'm so tired.